As much as I enjoy an epic night out where we all wake up to massive headaches, smudged ink pad stamps on our wrists, and the thick smell of cigarette smoke in our hair; those nights really should be limited – and not just for the obvious health and well being reasons, but also to keep nosy and judgmental people from throwing a surprise intervention in your honor. I’d like to think that nights like those should be rare and story-worthy. Have you gone over the limit? Here are some telltale signs on when you might need to start putting those drinks down.

 

You feel invincible!

The moment that your “oh my God, this tastes horrible, why the hell do we even drink this crap?” face is replaced with a resounding “woohoo!”, you’ll know that you are heading down the path of self-loathing and destruction. Once you start feeling invincible and unfazed by the amount of tequila that you are scarfing down, you might want to start rethinking every other shot that you plan on taking after that… if you can still think by then, that is.

 

You’re throwing money around left and right.

So you started out the night hesitant and dreaded having to shell out your share for drinks on a typical night out with your friends. The pure bliss and genuine excitement you must feel during birthdays and special occasions where you know you won’t have to spend a single cent to get faded and have a good time. When you start throwing paper in the air and buying everyone a round of shots, though, it’s time for you to order yourself a tall, ice cold glass of water. You’re gonna need it.

 

You are no longer accessible.

Admit it: the one thing in this world that you hold most dear – the one thing that you never want to lose or hurt, and that has been there for you during every single joyous moment in your life – is your cell phone. So you know stuff is about to go down when you find yourself living in the moment so much that you actually forget to post a play-by-play of your night on social media. It’s that moment when you actually start drinking those shots instead of Instagramming them. It’s that time of the night when it becomes impossible to reach you through your phone. Come to think of it, this actually might be a good thing, though, because of what’s next on the list…

 

You want to drunk-text him.

Even though I’m pretty damn sure that one of the only reasons that girls drink is to have an excuse to drunk call or text a douchebag, I’d like to think that we should also do our best to look out for each other, right, ladies? So, for the love of all things shiny and expensive, DO NOT CALL HIM!!! This never ever EVERRR ends well. Be it a booty call or a heartfelt confession of love and/or hate, all that’s gonna happen in the end is that you’re gonna wake up with smeared mascara and a broken heart (or another word that starts with an H). Keep both your lady parts and your dignity intact and avoid drunk anything-ing!   The next time you go out, keep these things in mind and turn down that next shot. If you want to go balls to the walls, though, be my guest. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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