They Are THE Worst: Why You Shouldn’t Get a Beagle

Out of all the dog breeds out there, a floppy-eared monster stands out occasionally. This cuddly terror, known as The Beagle, fools everyone with its big eyes, floppy ears, and soft fur. It acts adorable at all times, and if you’re not careful, you’ll fall for its deceptive charms!

Are you planning to get one of these snoopies? Think first!

Here’s why you should NEVER, EVER get a beagle.

1. From the moment they are born, they are just terrifying

Pure terror comes in tiny packages. (Image from Flickr Creative Commons)

Look at those faces. Anything that is terrifyingly cute from the beginning shouldn’t be trusted. What hides under those innocent eyes and a nose you want

to boop? PURE TERROR, I TELL YOU. Run for your lives as soon as possible.

2. They are too adorable for their own good

Beware the cunning furry devils. (Image from Flickr Creative Commons)

With those big brown eyes and again, those floppy ears, it’s difficult to enforce boundaries with this fluff ball. It uses its deceptive charm to trick you into doing ANYTHING!

For example, you want to keep them out of the room for the night. You want them to sleep in the living room. Before you know it, they’ll use their puppy charms to trick you into letting them sleep in your bed. Every morning, you’ll wake up sharing your pillow with these cunning furry devils.

3. They won’t stop staring at you

“I solemnly swear I am up to no good.” (Image from Flickr Creative Commons)

SERIOUSLY, they won’t. When they need something, they’ll stare at you. When they don’t need something, they’ll stare at you.

When you’re in the bathroom, THEY WILL STILL STARE AT YOU.

It’s like having a personal stalker at home.

4. They think everything’s a toy

It looks like “downward dog,” but it’s actually “dog at play.” (GIF from Tumblr)

Whether it’s a suspicious-looking rock in the backyard or an innocent bag on the floor, a Beagle considers it its job to investigate and play with it. This little demon’s investigative procedure is simple: step forward, sniff, sniff some more, touch with the paw, take five steps back, and then PLAY WITH IT. They’ll gnaw at it, flung it across the room, or even kick it over and over again.

Yup, even that remote control of yours is not safe. Even the mail and yes, even your hair dryer.

5. They bark, howl, and even sing

“Give it to you my nunnunnunnunnunnun nunbich.” (Image from Lifewithbeagle.com)

If you get one of these, say goodbye to peace and quiet. This breed makes FIVE NOISES. Beagles sing a different tune for every occasion. They’ll sing (or howl, most likely) to passing sirens, favorite songs, and sometimes, absolutely nothing. It takes a while before you get used to their weird language.

Take note that they have specialized vocalizations for when there’s someone at the door, when they’re hungry, or when they want to smother you with love.

6. They snuff ALL the food

Stop hogging all the food, Spot! (GIF from Tumblr)

They are hungry ALL THE TIME, and they will howl for food. Crumbs and scraps disappear in a flash, whether you intend them to have the scraps or not. Those noses never miss the scent of meals, and they never fail to find morsels on the floor.

7. They like to make funny faces

Meet bored Nick Fury and Groucho Marx. (Image from Flickr Creative Commons)

STOP. JUST STOP. PLEASE.

Beagles are hungry and howling creatures that are too cute for this life. They will graze your thighs with their noses until you notice them. They will snuggle with you until the sun goes down. They will kill you with their adorable eyes and make you their slaves! Is that what you want?

They are the worst!

OK, maybe not. They’re not. Truth is they’re actually the best. 😀

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