“Don’t Me, Kuya!” Witty Comebacks to Pesky Catcallers

Catcalls — definitely one of the worst things in life for a Modern Filipina.

I don’t understand why guys have to verbally make their lust known. Is there some kind of Bro Code that says you earn plus points when you whistle at a girl? Until now, I still don’t know the answer and when it happens, it annoys the hell out of me.

“Smile ka naman, babe!” they’d say.

Okay Random Kuyas of Manila, I’ll smile at you when hell freezes over.

Sadly, catcalling is a fact of life for us Modern Filipinas; every day, we deal with losers who whistle or comment at our outfits. It can be very annoying, but that doesn’t mean we can’t respond back.

“Where have you been all my life, baby?”

I don’t understand where this catcall came from. Is he like Carly Rae Jepsen, before he even met you, he missed you so bad?

Fortunately, there’s plenty of replies for this one:

  • “An unfertilized egg in my mom’s uterus.”
  • “Watching you when you’re asleep.”
  • “Hiding from you.”

Additional Nose Picking or Funny Faces

“Ganda mo, babe!”

Prove that random manong’s statement by shoving a finger up your nose and fishing that snot you’ve saved this morning. Hey, didn’t he say you’re pretty? So making a funny face or picking out that snot shouldn’t be a problem.

It’s all about the details, girl friend.

“How do you like eggs, girl?”

Be honest.

“Sunny side-up. Preferably, squished if possible.”

“Boiled eggs are always the best. Can we boil yours?”

Or you can be very blunt.

“Nobody wants that. That’s sexual harassment.”

Pay Back the Favor

It’s always the worse when someone stares at your chest. Everything goes straight to hell when they make a verbal comment about it.

“Girl, you’ve got big jugs over there!” they’d say.

So what do you do? Pay back the favor, of course.

Look them in the eye, then at their junk.

“I wish I could say the same for you,” you say.

**Bonus: if he suggests that you grab his thing, tell him you didn’t bring any tweezers. Also, you don’t have time for that.

Rude comments are part of life, but you don’t have to tolerate them. Don’t let cat callers get the best of you. Use your wits and honesty to show them that their honesty is not accepted.

So when someone asks you to call them baby again, tell them you’ll call an ambulance instead if they don’t shut up.

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