There’s really no science to dating. If there was, I wouldn’t be writing this article and probably testing out some scientific data somewhere.
According to this man, Matthew Hussey, New York Time’s best-selling author, there are generally proven ways to flirt and behave effectively in relationships.
I’m usually pessimistic about the legitimacy and “applicability” of self-help tips. Think about it, each one of us is dealing with a unique set of problems and circumstances, and reducing our issues into a single listicle sounds like something WikiHow would do.
But, as I watched and read some of Matthew Hussey’s stuff, I realized it wouldn’t hurt to learn from his wisdom. So, I compiled some of his most memorable tips to shed some light on one of life’s biggest conundrums: dating.
Don’t get me wrong, this probably isn’t first time you’re hearing some of these tips, but you can definitely benefit from hearing them again:
Starting a conversation
Initiating a conversation with a cute stranger or an ongoing crush takes half of the battle. Matthew says the key is to be fun and playful. Ask for their advice, or accuse them of something.
He cites this particular example: if you’re both standing in line at Starbucks and he orders the same drink, turn to him and say, “are you copying me?” If he’s not entirely too boring – or dead – he may react in the same nature, and tease you back. It gets the conversation rolling.
These are small practical ways, but the bottom line is, “you need to be able to pepper the interaction with different parts of you,” says Matthew, unless you want to be seen as one-dimensional. That’s his nice word for “boring.”
Being sexy in conversation
Three words: Avoid Platonic Language.
For example, instead of “you look nice”, say “you look hot.” Instead of “you look nice in glasses,” say, “you make glasses look sexy.”
If you want to convey interest, make Sexual Language a part of your vocabulary. In Matthew’s words, tell someone they’re “bad” or “naughty”. Works for guys, apparently.
Being sexy in general
The smallest shifts in body language make all the difference, Matthew says. The contrast between goofy to passionate can leave someone “breathless”.
In the moment you give them your dorky face, they’re thinking “that’s adorable.” And then, they ask you about your passion, and you go into this determined, emotive place, they’re thinking, “whoa, that’s hot.”
According to Matthew, even the most objectively beautiful people – when they don’t emote, gesture, or have any of that sexual energy – can end up disappointing. Well, isn’t that comforting?
Acting around other people
The way we act with everybody in our partner’s lives is equally important to the way we behave directly toward them, says Mathew.
You know, that feeling when your date is rude to the waiter or the homeless man outside the restaurant? It’s a defining moment that tells whether or not we want to take it a step further.
Well, it works in reverse. If he sees that you’re warm and polite around service staff or people that you don’t necessarily have to be nice to, he pays more attention and sees you for the warm, long-term material that you are.
Also, being capable of handling yourself around strangers or people he knows can be another defining moment. “It’s one of the most attractive qualities,” Matthew says, “When we’re with someone and they can handle themselves and talk to people, without needing us to be next to them the entire time.”
Now, I do recognize that not all of us can be natural social butterflies. Being playful, fun, or confident around people at any given time of the day doesn’t come naturally.
Don’t worry – nobody said this was easy. To me, it’s uncomfortable and unnerving, at best. But if you’re serious about meeting the right people, getting out of your shell is a good start.
Here’s my advice: bite your tongue, embrace the awkwardness, and listen to Matthew Hussey.