Some women mistake control for love. It’s a sad fact, and many couples have broken up due to one party being too clingy to the other. Overattachment can lead to loss of respect and trust which are the foundations of any successful relationship. So if you think that the relationship between you and your partner might be on the rocks, take a step back and examine your actions: are you being too clingy? To help you out, below are eight signs to watch for.
1. You keep on sending him text messages.
Texting him “good morning” and “good night” at the start and end of every day isn’t bad. What’s alarming is sending him messages nonstop in between. Sweet-nothings and constant queries such as “What are you doing?” and “Do you miss me?”can stop being cute very quickly, and the unending chatter may actually be intruding into his personal space.
Pro-tip: Stop texting him every five minutes. Giving him quiet time is a great deal healthier for your relationship that sending him a barrage of emojis.
2. You worry when he doesn’t respond.
You texted your partner to ask him how he was, but it’s been five minutes and he hasn’t responded yet. You start thinking about all sorts of illogical reasons as to why he hasn’t replied immediately, but the reality is that he either hasn’t seen your message yet, or he’s just busy with other things.
Pro-tip: Be patient. A text message isn’t a real-time conversation wherein you’ll get your answer right away. Instead of staring at your phone, try to do something else that is both productive and entertaining to keep your mind off waiting.
3. You’re always wondering where he is and what he’s doing.
You think of him during all of your waking hours, and and when you’re not together, you always imagine things that he could be doing. At times, you wonder if you’re just being paranoid when your imagination runs wild, but then you try to justify it by saying that there is always that minute possibility that the things in your head are happening in real life.
Pro-tip: Don’t think too much. Doing so causes stress not just for you, but also for your partner.
4. You always check his social media accounts.
You probably have the passwords for his email inbox and all his social media accounts, because you asked him to give them to you. You read every status update, every reply, and even private messages you shouldn’t be reading. You feel compelled to know about his online interactions, and are put off when he doesn’t tell you about the girl he’s been conversing with—even if that girl is actually his cousin.
Pro-tip: Respect is a big factor in keeping a relationship healthy, and you’re not giving your partner the respect that he deserves when you always overstep your boundaries by believing that being tied down gives you the right to monitor his life. Leave him his passwords and stop cyber-stalking him. There are more interesting things that you can do than checking who liked his most recent post.[crp]
5. You easily get jealous…
And its not just of his female colleagues (which is bad enough; it’s not like he can ask to be assigned to an all-male team or company just to please you). You turn into a green-eyed monster when you see him getting close to just about anybody. You always ask him to explain his actions, and he always seems bewildered by how much anger a small smile that he had given somebody else can cause.
Pro-tip: Give him the benefit of the doubt. Being in a relationship with you doesn’t mean that he can’t appreciate other people. Show him that you trust him by taking his word for it.
6. You’re his constant shadow.
You call him in the middle of work. After his shift, you wait for him at the door. When he tells you that he’s going out with his friends, you find ways to tag along, even if he has blatantly said that he’d like a bit of space.
Pro-tip: Understand that you can’t be together 24/7. Every person in a relationship needs time with themselves and with other people. Distance is a good thing, too, because it gives you time to relax and to put things in proper perspective.
7. You can’t seem to do things without him.
When you’re apart, you can’t seem to function. You can’t seem to enjoy yourself, even if you’re out with your family or your barkada. You feel abandoned, like a damsel in distress with no knight in shining armor. You can only be happy once you see him again.
Pro-tip: Remember that you have your own life, and that you were more than okay even before he came along. Your partner is not the end-all and be-all of your happiness, so exert your independence. After all, you’re your own person.
8. You get mad when he’s having fun without you.
You call him while he’s hanging out with his friends, and you inexplicably get pissed off when you hear laughter in the background. He seems distracted as he talks with you, and you’re infuriated that he can’t focus because some of his friends seem to find something funny and you’re not in on the joke. You can’t wait for him to get home so that you can give him a piece of your mind.
Pro-tip: As much as you have your own life, so does he. Although a lot of his happy moments are spent with you, it’s wrong to stop him from enjoying the company of other people. Cut him some slack, and let him have the fun that he deserves. Letting him go shows him that you trust him enough to come back to you.
Being too clingy can be the kiss of death for a relationship, but if you found yourself ticking off a few items on this list, you might want to take a good, hard look at your attitude and also sit down with your guy and talk about how you’re feeling and why you do the things you do. Yes, you may be smothering him, but he may be doing a few things that trigger your paranoia that he can put a pause on as well. The most important thing is to communicate about your issues and concerns and work together to find a solution to these.
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Charlene works for a popular greeting card company, hoping that what she writes makes some big, burly man somewhere cry. She's into MMA, and when she's not watching armbars on YouTube, she also writes for a tech blog or naps with her cat.