Once upon a time, you probably dreamt about the kind of man you’d eventually end up with. Every girl is entitled to an ideal, after all. But as time passes and you mature, it’s important to understand that half of the happily-ever-after doesn’t come from a Prince Charming, but a real man.
Believing you’ll find someone perfect for you is great, but looking for someone who’s just too perfect may just lead to a great deal of disappointment. After all, you’re not perfect, so you shouldn’t expect your man to be either. Here are six signs that indicate that you’re probably setting the bar too high when it comes to “the one.”
1. He’s tall, dark, handsome, and so on and so forth.
You know you’re dreaming of a guy who doesn’t exist when you have a list of specific physical traits he should have. Although having a type isn’t so bad, hoping to go out with a man with a mole near his temple ala Derek Ramsey may be pushing it too far.
Remember that no one can be as physically attractive as the Prince Charming in your head is. Men are human too, and they have the same beautiful imperfections that you do. Don’t pass up an opportunity to make a real connection with a guy who likes you just because he doesn’t look like a Calvin Klein model. Would you want a guy you find attractive to dismiss you because of the way you look? Think about it, and make sure you don’t do the same thing.
2. You have a preconceived notion about how he should romance you.
Champagne? Roses? Fetching you in a helicopter and taking you to a surprise trip to Paris? Sorry, ladies, but James Bond and Christian Grey are probably the only men who can do all that, and they’re both fictional. A real man won’t be Romeo 24/7—he’ll probably spend entire evenings playing Diablo instead of covering your bed with rose petals—but if he really is the one for you, then he’ll be sweet in all the little ways that really matter every single day.
3. When you say “quality time,” you mean “all the time.”
Maybe you want to your dream man to always be with you, to the point that you’d even invite him to your best friend’s bridal shower. A make-believe dreamboat would probably agree to wait around while you and your girlfriends party, but a real man won’t, simply because he also has a life. Spending some quality time away from each other affirms your worth as individuals so that, together, you bring more to the relationship.
4. You always want to be first on his priority list.
You know that you have your head in the clouds when you believe that your man should always be at your beck and call. Although it’s okay to sometimes want to be at the top of his priority list, remember that that list changes through the course of the week, even the day. Like you, a real man has a lot of things on his plate aside from love, and it’s unfair to demand to always be at the top of his mind when you yourself have your own life to live.
5. You expect him to know exactly what you’re thinking.
You know that the man you’re fantasizing about does not exist if you believe that he’ll give you a tub of froyo because somehow he knows it’s exactly what you’re craving even without you telling him. Reality check: no man can read your mind. However, once you find the love of your life, trust that he’ll do his best. A lot of times his methods will backfire, but that’s exactly what will make him more endearing.
6. You believe that he’ll never hurt you.
The Prince Charming in your dreams will always be the perfect gentleman, will always agree with what you want, and will never ever make you cry. A real man won’t always be the person you dream about. He won’t always open doors for you or say yes to your opinions. A real man will hurt you and will make you cry in anger and frustration many times—but he’ll also be the one to make it all okay, because he knows arguing and making up is all part of loving and being loved. What’s more, the hard times you go through together will end up being the ones that cement your relationship.
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Charlene works for a popular greeting card company, hoping that what she writes makes some big, burly man somewhere cry. She's into MMA, and when she's not watching armbars on YouTube, she also writes for a tech blog or naps with her cat.