5 Comebacks You Can Say When People Ask You Why You’re Single

Ahhh, Christmas. It’s that time of the year when titas, cousins, friends from elementary school, and other mostly well-meaning but slightly passive-aggressive people gather at your house to comment on important global issues, such as your weight gain, your post-pubescent acne, and—most especially—your lack of a boyfriend.

boyfs

GIF from Bridget Jones’s Diary via Giphy

But never fear, we’re here to give you five comebacks that can make any Tita of Manila clutch at their pearls, hide behind their pamaypays, and leave you alone to enjoy the lechon for the rest of the night in peace.

Screencap from Jessica Jones courtesy of Netflix

Screencap from Jessica Jones courtesy of Netflix

1.

Q: Oh my gosh. Single ka pa rin? Bakit?

A: I’m not sure nga rin eh. Tsaka ikaw pa ‘yung may jowa. Akalain mo ‘yun.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said that no one can make you feel inferior without your permission. But you most definitely don’t need anyone’s permission to give someone a taste of their own medicine.

giphy

GIF from The X-Files via Giphy

2.

Q: Hija, you’re still single? But why?

A: Because, tita, I’m a feminist.

This is a perfectly reasonably answer to certain people. Because obviously, feminists are hairy, bra-burning, man-hating bitches who despise any form of romance. (Spoiler alert: we aren’t.) So that ought to get them scampering off to other Titas to report your deviant lifestyle.

GIF from Daria via Giphy

GIF from Daria via Giphy

3.

Q: Why are you still single?

A: I don’t know… But you know who else told me he was single last night? Your boyfriend.

Follow up by handing them some aloe vera, ‘cause gurl, you just got buuuurned.

oohburn

GIF from Easy A via Giphy

4.

Q: Why don’t you have a boyfriend?

A: Who needs a boyfriend when there’s porn?

Ahh, porn. People like watching it, but they don’t like talking about it at Christmas dinner parties or family reunions, where a santo nino on an altar is probably judging them from afar. This comeback can ensure that said person will probably switch to other more relevant questions, such as “May leche flan pa ba?

disapproval

GIF via Giphy

5.

Q: When are you going to find a boyfriend?

A: I don’t have time to find a boyfriend because I’m too busy coming up with passive-aggressive comebacks for passive-aggressive comments like yours.

Sometimes, you just got to tell it like it is.

GIF from The Mindy Project via Giphy

GIF from The Mindy Project via Giphy

So there, hope we gave you enough ammo to face the numerous Christmas parties and reunions lined up for you this holiday season. Good luck!

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