After a fresh breakup, you’re going to be hurting, of course. Even if the two of you already broke up, you still cared about him and you can’t just forget that. So, when he calls you up and asks if you’re willing to take him back and give him another chance, it can be awfully tempting to go back to what was familiar and comfortable and hope that it will work this time. Before you do that, though, try and remember what the reason was that things ended between you in the first place–it’s not going to magically fix itself just because a little time has passed. Here are some reasons you should never ever get back together with your ex, now or ever.
1. He made you feel like you were worthless.
When you were in a relationship with him before, he made you feel unloved and unappreciated. Now that it’s over, you try to rationalize with yourself with cliche phrases like “you don’t know what you have until you’ve lost it.” You start to think that maybe, just maybe, without you in his life he’s finally realized that he didn’t treat you like you deserved to be treated and will do better now, but it’s time for a reality check. Your ex will most likely just continue the same behavior that he always had.
2. He cheated on you.
I don’t necessarily agree with the idea that “once a cheater, always a cheater.” Sometimes people make mistakes, and if it was one, isolated incident, there is a possibility that he genuinely regrets it. However, even if he truly felt bad and would never cheat on you again, can you really live with the memory of what he did before? Your trust in him has been shattered, and that’s not an easy thing to rebuild. It’s even worse if he did it with someone you know; every time you see that person you’re going to remember the betrayal. It’s better to just cut him loose and for both of you to just move on for good.
3. He still won’t accept any of the blame.
Sure, he wants to get back together with you again, but he still hasn’t accepted any of the blame for whatever reason the two of you broke up. He hasn’t even apologized to you for his share in it. For him to completely deny any involvement, especially if he did commit a serious mistake, is just blindness. If he won’t own up to having a part in the breakup or say that he’s sorry for the hurt he’s caused you, he’s showing that he’s too immature to accept the consequences of his own actions and this attitude won’t do either of you any favors if you were to try again.
4. He is playing mind games with you.
Has he been playing mind games with you in an effort to win you back? If you’ve seen signs that he’s been purposefully trying to make you feel jealous, manipulate you, or make you feel guilty for not getting back together with him, it’s definitely in your best interests to stay far away from him. Mind games are another sign of immaturity and trust me, you don’t need or want that kind of drama in your life. Getting back together with him now will just be opening yourself up to a crazy, roller-coaster of emotions.
5. How you felt when you were together before is going to be the same.
Maybe your breakup wasn’t caused by one big deal-breaking problem. Often, it’s a buildup of many smaller issues that create a toxic, unhealthy relationship overall. Looking back on the relationship you two shared, it’s easy now to think that you overreacted and you should have just overlooked all these little issues. However, if you get back together with him now, all the feelings that you had are going to slowly come back and you’re going to end up just as unhappy as you were before. An apology, some forgiveness, or a little time doesn’t negate all the problems that you had as a couple–they will still be there.
You may be in emotional pain, but do your best to stay strong. Try and remember that as much as you loved him, there were valid reasons behind the end of the relationship and you need to stick to what you know deep down is the best for both of you.
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Abby is from the USA and moved to the Philippines to be with her husband, David Christopher Hizon, who also happens to be her photographer for most of her writing endeavors. A gamer, a bookworm, an animal lover and a self-proclaimed foodie, she is passionate about everything that she does and hopes that will come across in her writing. Follow her at http://facebook.com/WritersInTandem & http://www.thewritersintandem.wordpress.com