Abby is from the USA and moved to the Philippines…
Relationships are all about learning to compromise with each other, but if we’re being completely honest, sometimes compromise isn’t going to be enough. In fact, there are some things that we should never have to compromise on. Whether it’s an action or an incompatibility, there are some deal-breakers that just can’t be overlooked in order for a happy, healthy relationship to exist, and here’s just a few of them.
1. He never takes your side in public.
While we can’t expect our partner to always agree with every choice we make, they should still support us for the most part, especially when other people are around. If your partner never takes your side, whether it’s a decision you’re making that doesn’t necessarily affect him, or if it’s an argument you’re having with a friend, this should be a red flag. Supporting each other’s choices and feelings is a huge part of being in a loving relationship, and if he doesn’t respect you enough to at least back you up in public, that’s a major sign that something is wrong.
2. He cheats on you.
Infidelity is never acceptable. If your partner has cheated on you, it shows that he doesn’t have respect for you or your feelings, and that is a huge deal-breaker. The old adage “once a cheater, always a cheater” is sadly true, more often than not. For someone to have cheated in the first place, it means that he didn’t place enough value on your relationship. This is not going to magically change just because he got caught. Loving someone means being faithful to them no matter what, and no one deserves anything less than that.
3. You have no chemistry.
While looks should never be the main reason that you’re with someone, attraction is still a factor. Being attracted to someone is what takes them out of the “friend-zone” and into the “boyfriend-zone.” If the relationship is still brand-new but there’s no sparks when you kiss, it’s not likely to last long. I once dated a guy who I just plain wasn’t attracted to, and when he kissed me, it felt like I was kissing my brother—needless to say, it didn’t last. Mutual attraction is pretty important in a relationship.
4. You have very different views on marriage.
These days, it’s becoming a lot more common for couples to opt to live together without any future plans involving marriage. While this is perfectly fine, it becomes an issue when one person wants this simple future, but the other person involved in the relationship wants to be married someday. There is really no way to compromise when one person wants marriage but the other doesn’t, and sadly this can really become a deal-breaker for couples that might seem otherwise perfectly compatible.
5. He lies to you—a lot.
While the occasional white lie can be overlooked, when lying becomes a habit in a relationship, it’s time to get out before it’s too late. How can you trust someone when you know that half the things that he says to you aren’t true? When you’re in a relationship, your partner is supposed to be the one person you can trust with anything and the one person above all others who you should always be honest with. Even if they only seem to lie about minor issues—if they find it easy to lie about small things, that’s a bad sign. Frequent lying is a major no-no and a definite deal-breaker for anyone expecting a healthy relationship.
6. He constantly criticizes and insults you.
Your boyfriend shouldn’t make you feel useless or ignorant or ugly. Several of the deal-breakers I’ve listed so far go back to one root problem—a lack of respect in the relationship. This one is no different. A man doesn’t have to hit you to be abusive; verbal abuse is just as detrimental as physical abuse. If your guy is constantly degrading you, putting you down, and calling you by insulting words and names, this is absolutely a deal-breaker in any relationship.
7. Only one of you wants to have children.
On the same level as different views on marriage, this is a pretty big, uncompromising obstacle in a relationship. This is one I can personally relate to; I dated a man once who never wanted children, he even planned to get a vasectomy to ensure it would never happen. For a long time, I tried to make myself accept this and let go of my dream of having children, but in the end, this was one of the reasons I finally had to end things with him. Having children is a huge decision, and if you and your guy don’t see eye-to-eye, it’s ultimately going to be a deal-breaker.
8. He can’t accept your baggage.
Every single one of us comes with a bit of baggage. Whether it’s family related, it involves an ex of ours, or it’s something more personal such as a past involving drug abuse, it exists, and this is something that not only we have to accept of ourselves, but we have to accept of our partners as well. If your partner is constantly bringing up things about your past that you’re just trying to forget—and not only bringing it up, but using it against you—this is a major deal-breaker. We have to accept that our lovers all have a past, just as we do, and if he can’t do the same for you, it’s not going to be a happy relationship.
Do you find any of these to be a recurring problem in your relationship? If so, it’s time to realize that these issues are not acceptable, and that you deserve someone who not only is compatible with you, but treats you right. Don’t settle for someone who makes you unhappy—these things are called deal-breakers for a reason!
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Abby is from the USA and moved to the Philippines to be with her husband, David Christopher Hizon, who also happens to be her photographer for most of her writing endeavors. A gamer, a bookworm, an animal lover and a self-proclaimed foodie, she is passionate about everything that she does and hopes that will come across in her writing. Follow her at http://facebook.com/WritersInTandem & http://www.thewritersintandem.wordpress.com