If you’ve been through a breakup recently, the first thing you want to do is to move on and skip all the ugly cry parts as quickly as soon as you can. But the thin is, broken hearts take time to heal. Sometimes, even when we think we’ve moved on, we find ourselves reverting to our old ways, forcing us to realize that maybe, we’re not as over our ex as we thought. Here are some ways that we try to pretend that we’ve completely moved on from heartbreak–when we’re really not.
1.You keep saying that you’re over him.
If we keep saying something, that makes it true, right? Not so. If you find that you are constantly telling both yourself and your friends that you’re over the relationship, you’re probably just trying to convince yourself that it’s the truth when really, you’re not over it at all. If you were really over it, you wouldn’t need to keep saying so.
2. You are on a serial dating spree.
Ever since you and your ex ended things, you’ve dated several guys in an effort to move on, but it’s all been casual. Usually, no more than one or two dates with the same guy, you find none of them measure up to your expectations–because you’re still comparing all of them to your ex.
3. You’re still friends with him on Facebook.
You tell yourself that all you want is to remain friends, but you find yourself checking out his Facebook profile way more often than you probably should be. You’re not really looking for anything specifically, you are just trying to fill the hole in your life where he used to be, and it’s actually holding you back from moving on. But the thing is, it could easily snowball into something bigger. Soon enough, you find yourself obsessing over every little thing he’s doing–without you–and the girls he’s been with since you broke up.
4. You still have his phone number.
You swear that you’re never ever going to contact him again, but you still have his number saved, just in case. If he were to text or call you, you want his name to pop up on your caller ID so you can decide if you’re going to answer or not. Oh, who are you kidding–of course you’d answer.
5. You still get angry when people bring him up.
You tell yourself that it makes sense that you get angry when people bring him up in conversation. You don’t want anything to do with him, you don’t even want to hear his name, so you must be over him. You’re wrong–anger is an emotional response and if you were truly over the relationship, you wouldn’t have any reason to react with anger.
6. You still keep items of sentimental value.
It’s one thing to keep items of monetary value. No way would you throw away your tablet just because your ex got it for you. But if you’re still keeping items like old movie ticket stubs, a dried flower he gave you, and things like that which have no value other than sentimental, it’s a sign you’re not ready to let go of the relationship.
7. You stalk his new girlfriend online.
Out loud, you tell your friends that you’re just happy that he’s happy, and you’re glad he’s found someone else. But you still find yourself stalking his new beau on any social network where you can find her: comparing her to how you were when you were still with your ex, trying to convince yourself that you’re prettier and smarter than she is. You do it under the guise of being happy for him, but deep down, that’s just not true.
8. You go out of your way to avoid him in social situations.
You were planning to go to your mutual friend’s party this Saturday–until you found out that your ex is supposed to be there too. You know you won’t be expected to talk to him or anything, but the idea of being in the same house as him is still too much for you. You tell your friends that you just don’t want anyone to feel awkward, but if there were no lingering feelings, why would it be awkward in the first place?
9. You go out of your way to run into him in social situations.
Just as working hard to avoid him is a sign you’re not really over him, so is working hard to run into him. You say you just want things to go back to normal, but did you normally work so hard to appear normal? And do you normally dress up that much just to go shopping at the mall where he works?
10. You still remember every detail of your relationship.
Details are a funny thing. When they’re about something or someone we care about, we can remember them flawlessly. If you can still remember every detail about your ex and your relationship when the topic comes up, it’s a sign that you’re really not over the relationship. Once we really stop caring, those details fade from our memory like that boring history book that you had to read for class one semester.
You don’t need to feel bad that you’re not completely over your relationship yet. It takes time to move on, and that’s okay. But you don’t need to keep pretending and keeping on a brave face when you know deep down that you’re still hurting. Let the hurt out, because only by acknowledging your pain can you really begin the healing process.
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Abby is from the USA and moved to the Philippines to be with her husband, David Christopher Hizon, who also happens to be her photographer for most of her writing endeavors. A gamer, a bookworm, an animal lover and a self-proclaimed foodie, she is passionate about everything that she does and hopes that will come across in her writing. Follow her at http://facebook.com/WritersInTandem & http://www.thewritersintandem.wordpress.com