Ah, love. You simply can’t live without it. There’s nothing like a kilig love story between you and your man as if you happen to be starring in your very own teleserye. Until, of course, a shiny new toy comes along and before you know it, your guy is cheating on you. One of the most common deal breakers in a relationship is when someone cheats on the other.
Worried your guy might be making a fool of you? Watch for these tell-tale signs of unfaithfulness:
1. He can’t let go of his phone.
If your guy is constantly on his mobile phone, checking and texting (when he doesn’t even like texting), consider it a warning sign. More so when he brings his phone to the bathroom even when he’s just going to pee. Because, seriously, why would he even want to bring your phone to the bathroom in the first place?
Is this happening to you? If he constantly checks on his phone or texts while with you, ask him nicely to put his phone down so you can share some QT. But take note that refusal on his part doesn’t necessarily mean he’s cheater. Ask him instead if there’s some special reason he needs to keep checking his phone. If it’s a one-time deal, like he’s waiting for an urgent update from his boss or coworkers, let it slide. If it becomes a habit, though, talk to him about it. What you shouldn’t do is snoop through his phone; if in the end he proves untrustworthy, it is still not a reason to prove yourself untrustworthy too.
2. He suddenly doesn’t want to have sex.
At least, he doesn’t seem to want to have sex with you. It’s weird if your guy doesn’t initiate sexytime with you, girl. Especially if he’s the raunchy type. Now, ask yourself, when was the last time that your guy asked you to do the deed with him? If it’s been longer than a week, and there’s nothing else in your lives that would negatively impact his libido, something’s definitely fishy.
Is this happening to you? Ask him if there’s something bothering him. And maybe try to initiate things—it may just be that your guy is tired of being “man on top” of your sexual encounters and is hoping you’ll be willing to change things up. Otherwise, ask him point blank about your sex life. It could be that he simply isn’t in the mood. However, if you suspect your guy of cheating, don’t use sex as a weapon or a lure to draw him back. Making love should be an act of mutual affection and trust; using sex to manipulate someone cheapens the act, and it cheapens you. And on a second point, if you suspect he has other sexual partners, go to your gynecologist and get tested! If you don’t know where he’s been, you don’t know if you’re safe.
3. Weekends are no longer sacred.
When you’re the type of couple who likes spending weekends together, and then he’s suddenly unavailable (and his phone is unreachable, too) you might want to be on the lookout. That goes double if he’s suspiciously absent during the so-called “mistress holidays” like February 13, December 23, and so on.
Is this happening to you? Try and find out what it is he does on the weekends when he’s not with you. It could be something as innocent as corporate social responsibility projects with his colleagues or even plain old overtime. If he gets evasive, though, don’t immediately accuse him of cheating. If you have no other evidence but this, you’ll be on shaky ground, and even if there’s something to your suspicions, sending him into defensive mode won’t do any good. Simply tell him that, while you don’t mind doing things apart now and then, you miss spending time with him. Perhaps his weekend activities are something you can join. And if he does get defensive, keep your cool—but stand your ground, too.
4. You’re not allowed to visit him at home.
Your guy doesn’t want to see you hanging around his village or at his crib? Does he never want you to meet his friends and family, even after the so-called “honeymoon” period in which you are totally wrapped up in each other? Be very suspicious of man who is unwilling to share even the simplest aspects of his life with you. This is especially true if you’ve been with your guy for several years now and he can’t give you a really good reason why you can’t visit him at home or meet his pals.
Is this happening to you? Ask your guy point blank if there’s a reason why he doesn’t want to share his personal space with you or introduce him to the people who matter in his life And if it’s a totally innocent reason, look for ways to deal with it together. Otherwise, you’ll never truly be comfortable with each other (and what would that say about the trust levels in your relationship?).
5. He lies to you.
When he makes up excuses, forgets important occasions (example: your monthsary), and gets details messed up, that might be forgivable, but if he lies to you? Girl, this should be a red flag for you. The act of cheating is in one sense big fat lie, because even if he pays lip service to his commitment to you, if he goes out with another woman behind your back, then he’s a liar.
Is this happening to you? Don’t believe that guys can’t lie to you while looking you in the eye, because many of them can do exactly that. If your gut tells you that he isn’t telling you the truth or telling you everything he should (because lies of omission still count as lies), talk to him. Don’t throw a tantrum and hurl accusations his way. Ask him to explain himself in a reasonable tone. And if he isn’t able or willing to do so, consider that, if he doesn’t consider you worth his honesty, he definitely isn’t worth your time.
6. He has alternate social media accounts.
And you’re blocked from being his friend or from following him. What makes it worse is that you may be the last to know about his new account. Then when you ask him about it, he’ll try to bamboozle you by telling you something like it’s his gaming account. Seriously? He wouldn’t block you for that.
Is this happening to you? Check out other social networking sites and if he has a private account for each one of them, then girl, you might want to confront your man about it. Be reasonable, but be firm on the point that if he has nothing to hide from you, then you shouldn’t be blocked from seeing his posts.
7. He is overly defensive.
Like a whole lot. This becomes worse every time you call him out on something he’s forgotten or done and he suddenly turns the table on you for being clingy, praning and yes even, jealous. Maybe he even accuses you of cheating on him. When his reaction is disproportionate to the situation, this should send up a few red flags.
Is this happening to you? Try not to call him out on his flaws, especially when they’re minor. Patience and understanding is always key to a great relationship. But if he flares up unnecessarily when issues of trust are brought up, this is something you may want to probe a little more deeply. You should also check your behavior: have you let your jealousy and possessiveness get the better of you? Are you imagining lovers for him that don’t even exist? Do you continually accuse him of infidelity, despite a marked lack of evidence? If so, it’s possible a violent reaction on his part is him deciding he’s had enough of your jealous ways.
8. He starts giving you the cold shoulder.
You used to talk about anything and everything, but now he’s stopped telling you his dreams or even about something as mundane as his day at the office. You used to be his best friend and sounding board for every stress trigger, funny joke, or secret he had, but if he suddenly starts acting like talking to you is akin to pulling teeth, go on alert.
Is this happening to you? Note that your guy could just be naturally moody or perhaps even upset with someone else. Just because he mistakenly takes his bad moods out on you doesn’t have to mean that he doesn’t love you anymore. Try to find out if there’s anything bothering him. Otherwise, just sit him down for a talk and tell him how his behavior is making you feel unloved, unappreciated, and lonely. If he hurts you, tell him about it so he can be made aware of how his words and actions affect you. It could be a breakdown of communication between the two of you; so if he’s reluctant to share, maybe share a little something of your own first. And if subtler tactics don’t work, come right out and ask him what’s changed.
Do remember, though, that while you may see these telltale signs in your significant other, they don’t automatically mean that he’s already cheating. If you’re unsure, talk it out and let your guy know how you feel. Let him know why you feel uncomfortable without making it seem like you’re blaming him. Should you find out that he’s cheating, always keep in mind that you’re better off without him in the long run and you don’t need a guy to complete you. Love yourself first and everything else will follow in due time.
Featured image from John Tucker Must Die courtesy of 20th Century Fox. Additional reporting by Liana Smith Bautista.