If you’ve never had one, the idea of having an admirer might seem fun and romantic. In some cases, it even might be that way. However, sometimes an admirer can become too persistent, and suddenly it’s not so fun anymore. Whether it’s a friend that you just don’t return feelings for or someone you barely know, having an unwanted admirer can quickly take a turn for the worse and make you feel very uncomfortable. When he just can’t seem to pick up your subtle hints that you’re not interested in him, here’s some tips for dealing with a persistent admirer and putting a stop to it.
1. Avoid being alone with him.
If you always surround yourself with other people, the admirer will be less likely to try anything. Don’t give him a chance to be alone with you; on one hand, these situations can turn dangerous, and on the other, even an innocent crush can lead to extremely awkward moments. Let your friends know what is going on and that you aren’t interested in this guy, and they will surely support you by making sure to never leave you alone when he is around.
2. Talk about your boyfriend whenever the admirer is around.
One great and not-so-subtle way to let an admirer know that you aren’t interested is to express interest in another guy in front of him. If you have a boyfriend, go out of your way to mention him and talk about how much you love him. If you’re single, talk about a guy you have a crush on or think is cute. Make it clear that the admirer is not in your thoughts romantically, and that someone else is.
3. Avoid going to places where he’s likely to hang out.
It may be inconvenient, but if you really want to get rid of him, you should avoid going anywhere you know he will be. If all your friends are going to a club that you know he frequents, ask your friends if you can go somewhere else instead. If there are places you often run into him, like a certain store or if your paths cross on the way to work, take a different route so you can avoid interacting with him. Absence doesn’t always make the heart grow fonder—sometimes, quite the opposite happens.
4. Don’t accept his gifts.
Many admirers like to give their object of affection tokens to show their feelings. By rejecting them, you are also rejecting his romantic intentions. Even if it seems like an innocent gift, don’t accept it from him. If you accept his gifts but aren’t interested, he might get the wrong idea. He might even believe that your acceptance of them obligates you to be with him or give him something in return, so it’s really best to just avoid that scenario.
5. Be blunt. Tell him you aren’t interested.
You might be worried about hurting his feelings, but if it’s going too far then you’re going to have to be blunt. Tell him that you are not interested in pursuing a romance with him and that you never will be. If you even leave him a little bit of hope, saying something like “maybe if things were different,” then he might continue to stick around on the chance that will happen someday. Be clear that he does not have any chance with you, now or in the future.
6. Don’t reply to any of his messages.
Ignore him. If he continues to text and call even after all of this, don’t pick up the phone. No matter what he texts and how tempted you are to reply to him, don’t do it. Don’t give him the satisfaction and don’t give him any openings into your life. If it still doesn’t stop, you might even consider changing your phone number. Make sure your friends are aware of what is going on and tell them not to give him your new number if he finds out you changed it.
7. Avoid all social media interaction with him.
If you’ve already told him flat out that you aren’t interested but he still seems to be around, it’s best to go out of your way and even avoid him on social media. Facebook has that wonderful feature that allows you to block someone—he won’t be able to see your profile or contact you online. Use this feature. You can’t make yourself much clearer about how you feel than to block him from being able to have any interaction with you.
8. Make sure everyone you know knows what is going on.
Above all, be safe and protect yourself. If someone has crossed the line from admirer to stalker, make sure to talk to people about it. Let all your friends and family know what is going on so they can help and support you. If you ever feel unsafe or like someone might be intending to cause harm to you, let the authorities know. You might even consider keeping a journal of his behavior towards you so that you have a record, should you ever feel the need to contact authorities about him.
I’ve dealt with a few overly persistent admirers over the years, and it was never fun to do. Once, I had a guy who kept emailing me for two years after I told him to leave me alone. If that isn’t persistence, I don’t know what is! Fortunately, he didn’t have any other way to contact me and I changed my phone number, so he wasn’t able to do anything more than that, and eventually he grew tired and gave up. By following all of the advice that I have just given, every persistent admirer that I’ve been forced to deal with has eventually stopped and left me alone. It may take some time, but doing these things are almost always very effective.