Every once in a while, there are things best left unmentioned when in a relationship. For example, you don’t need to tell your man that you thought his friend’s cousin was kinda cute or that you hate the way his sister sounds when she laughs. But while some things are better off unsaid, there are some things that you really should talk about with your partner, especially if they’re serious ones. Here are eight things you shouldn’t keep silent about in your relationship:
1) Your deep-rooted fears.
Your man is supposed to be someone you can trust, right? So you should be able to share with him your worst fears, whether they involve him or not. Let your guy be your shoulder to cry on and a person to rely on and open up to him about these things. You can start off small by talking about minor phobias that you might have involving heights or spiders, but you eventually need to open up about your secret fears so that he can support you and understand you better.
2) Your jealousies
It may just be a comment he made about his coworker that made you uncomfortable, or it could be a little bigger, like the way he often drives her home from work because it’s on his way. Talk about it before it becomes a problem that needs to be fixed. You don’t need to make a big fuss about it, but by approaching it early on in a casual manner, you might end up saving both of you some trouble and prevent resentments from growing out of control.
3) Emotional blackmail
A lot of women don’t necessarily realize that not all abuse is physical. Emotional abuse is a real thing too, and it is something you should never keep silent about. If you feel like your man seems to manipulate you by using your feelings, needs, and emotions to get what he wants, this is a serious problem and you need to bring it up before it crosses the line into an abusive relationship. Let him know that this is not acceptable behavior and that you refuse to play these games anymore. Anyone who continues to practice such behavior is not worth being in a relationship with.
4) Resentments about his job
Having a job is a necessity in this money-driven world, but sometimes work can seem to take over someone’s life. When your guy starts spending late nights at work instead of eating dinner with you or missing special holidays in order to cover at work, it can be too easy to grow resentful of his job taking away the attention that was once yours. Talk to your man about how you feel and see if there are compromises that can be worked out. People usually spend years or even decades doing one job, so if it’s going to be long term (the job as well as the relationship), it should be something that you can both deal with.
5) Money troubles
Money is one of the biggest causes of conflicts in relationships. When a couple shares finances but don’t see eye to eye on budgeting, it can end up being disastrous down the road, so don’t let it get that far. Whether you feel like your man is over-spending money that you two can’t afford, or perhaps you got some debt you’re struggling to pay off, don’t let it internalize and slowly bubble over into a bigger mess. Since money trouble is such a delicate topic, make sure to approach the topic when you’re both in a good mood and never do it in an attacking manner.
6) The “kids and marriage” topic
Whether or not a person wants to get married and have kids, do just one of those things, or neither, is more often than not a permanent viewpoint. A person who says they never want to have children now is not likely to change their viewpoint three years down the road, or even 10 years in the future. If your partner has somewhere along the line mentioned something that leads you to believe he wants a different type of future than you do, then you need to speak up and figure out what this means for you as a couple. It might be an emotional talk, but don’t be afraid to reveal your true feelings. Keeping quiet about what you want out of the future could lead to great heartache and resentment later on.
7) Your religious views
In the early stages of a relationship, it’s often easier to just duck around and avoid this topic altogether, especially if you already know you have different beliefs than your guy has. Eventually, though, it’s going to come up. Religious individuals often structures their lifestyle around their beliefs: from the food they eat, the activities they participate in, to whether they find sleeping together or living with someone before marriage acceptable. Even if you disagree on beliefs, though, you can try to find common viewpoints and ways to harmonize despite your differences. Of course, always broach the topic with respect for each other.
8) Your goals for the future
This is a really broad topic, so figure out what it means specifically to you. What are your dreams and goals regarding things, like family, traveling, career choices, etc.? Share these with your man! Not only is it fun to daydream about what your future together might hold, but it may help you learn important things about each other. Perhaps his goal is to stay local and be near his family, but you’ve always had a wanderlust that won’t let you sit still for long. Learn to compromise together because if you’re in it for the long-haul, it’s a skill you will need. It’s also important to learn what you and he are not willing to compromise on, and figure out if your goals will allow you to be compatible.
Relationships can be tricky to navigate at times, but if there’s an issue pressing on your mind, you should never feel afraid or ashamed to speak up about it. If your guy is worth keeping, he’ll be willing to talk it out and work through things with you, and the two of you will come together stronger than ever!
Featured Image from The Little Mermaid courtesy of Buena Vista Distribution Company
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Abby is from the USA and moved to the Philippines to be with her husband, David Christopher Hizon, who also happens to be her photographer for most of her writing endeavors. A gamer, a bookworm, an animal lover and a self-proclaimed foodie, she is passionate about everything that she does and hopes that will come across in her writing. Follow her at http://facebook.com/WritersInTandem & http://www.thewritersintandem.wordpress.com