I’ve never had a boyfriend.
I’ve never been in a relationship.
And tell you what, I don’t find any problems with it at all.
I’ve been a member of the “no boyfriend since birth club” for 30 years, and I am produ to be one. Of course, accepting singlehood wasn’t easy, and it has been a roller coaster ride of emotions for me.
When I was in high school, I felt left out that my friends were in relationships and I wasn’t. Valentine’s Day was particularly hard, as everyone in the class could see who got a huge teddy bear and chocolates and who wouldn’t. It felt torture for a while, but like most things in high school, the feeling was fleeting, and I never felt bad for long. Besides, I eventually felt relieved that I didn’t have a boyfriend yet, seeing how immature most high school boys are.
Then, I moved on to college, and I felt my world turn upside down. It was around that time that I started discovering things that make me happy, and I was exposed to lots of people from different backgrounds who eventually became my friends. Romance entered my mind from time to time, but I was so busy having fun and learning new things, that it wasn’t a priority. During senior year, I received my first ever rose on Valentine’s Day from a guy in my org whom I barely knew. I told him that it was such a sweet gesture–especially since it was my first time to receive flowers on February 14–but nothing happened after that.
Then, corporate drudgery came calling, and I felt that maybe this was finally the time for me to experience both the highs and lows of being in a relationship. There was a guy from my team once whom I instantly felt at ease with. We became friends, and we hung out a lot. I found myself liking him, and I thought that we had a shot. Then, he decided to move abroad, and I never heard from him after that. He was my first heartbreak, and I was a wreck for a time. But then I figured out that I deserve better, and I definitely am better than someone who would suddenly flake on a potential relationship.
There were a few guys who came after him, but then I found out that most of them were after my virginity. Interestingly enough, those experiences made me realize that I wanted a real relationship that goes beyond physical attraction, and I am willing to wait for it, no matter how long. I’d rather be with someone who really loves me for who I am–even if I get to meet him 10, 20, or even 30 years after–than settle for somebody who is more in love with the idea of being in love than anything else.
When I was younger, I would cry myself to sleep because I felt I was worthless and ugly. After all, why would I be single if somebody liked me, right? But then, as I grew older, I realized that I shouldn’t get my sense of self-worth from other people. Besides, we women should never ever settle for a douchebag of a boyfriend just because we want to experience how it’s like to be in a relationship.
I do have an ideal guy–and I want settle for anything less. Singlehood has taught me so many things about myself and about life that I have come to see it more as a gift–and definitely not as a problem. Single ladies, don’t see singlehood as a burden, but as a time for self-discovery. And don’t ever settle for no less than the guy who deserves you.
So, why do I choose to be single? Well, I want to spend this time discovering and loving myself instead of worrying about somebody else’s perception of how I should be. But more importantly, I refuse to settle to a relationship that I don’t deserve. I think that’s something truly waiting for. In the meantime, I will cherish these moments of singlehood and love myself to the fullest. Now, does that sound something to feel bad about? I think not!
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Becca Tan is a 30-something single lady, and she wouldn't have it any other way. She loves traveling and reading books. If she had all the time in the world, she'd read one book every day while traipsing in different places around the globe.