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Here’s Why I Choose Singlehood

Here’s Why I Choose Singlehood

I’ve never had a boyfriend.

I’ve never been in a relationship.

And tell you what, I don’t find any problems with it at all.

Image by Trần Quốc Dương via Unsplash
Image by Trần Quốc Dương via Unsplash

I’ve been a member of the “no boyfriend since birth club” for 30 years, and I am produ to be one. Of course, accepting singlehood wasn’t easy, and it has been a roller coaster ride of emotions for me.

When I was in high school, I felt left out that my friends were in relationships and I wasn’t. Valentine’s Day was particularly hard, as everyone in the class could see who got a huge teddy bear and chocolates and who wouldn’t. It felt torture for a while, but like most things in high school, the feeling was fleeting, and I never felt bad for long. Besides, I eventually felt relieved that I didn’t have a boyfriend yet, seeing how immature most high school boys are.

Then, I moved on to college, and I felt my world turn upside down. It was around that time that I started discovering things that make me happy, and I was exposed to lots of people from different backgrounds who eventually became my friends. Romance entered my mind from time to time, but I was so busy having fun and learning new things, that it wasn’t a priority. During senior year, I received my first ever rose on Valentine’s Day from a guy in my org whom I barely knew. I told him that it was such a sweet gesture–especially since it was my first time to receive flowers on February 14–but nothing happened after that.

Then, corporate drudgery came calling, and I felt that maybe this was finally the time for me to experience both the highs and lows of being in a relationship. There was a guy from my team once whom I instantly felt at ease with. We became friends, and we hung out a lot. I found myself liking him, and I thought that we had a shot. Then, he decided to move abroad, and I never heard from him after that.  He was my first heartbreak, and I was a wreck for a time. But then I figured out that I deserve better, and I definitely am better than someone who would suddenly flake on a potential relationship.

There were a few guys who came after him, but then I found out that most of them were after my virginity. Interestingly enough, those experiences made me realize that I wanted a real relationship that goes beyond physical attraction, and I am willing to wait for it, no matter how long. I’d rather be with someone who really loves me for who I am–even if I get to meet him 10, 20, or even 30 years after–than settle for somebody who is more in love with the idea of being in love than anything else.

When I was younger, I would cry myself to sleep because I felt I was worthless and ugly. After all, why would I be single if somebody liked me, right? But then, as I grew older, I realized that I shouldn’t get my sense of self-worth from other people. Besides, we women should never ever settle for a douchebag of a boyfriend just because we want to experience how it’s like to be in a relationship.

I do have an ideal guy–and I want settle for anything less. Singlehood has taught me so many things about myself and about life that I have come to see it more as a gift–and definitely not as a problem. Single ladies, don’t see singlehood as a burden, but as a time for self-discovery. And don’t ever settle for no less than the guy who deserves you.

So, why do I choose to be single? Well, I want to spend this time discovering and loving myself instead of worrying about somebody else’s perception of how I should be. But more importantly, I refuse to settle to a relationship that I don’t deserve. I think that’s something truly waiting for. In the meantime, I will cherish these moments of singlehood and love myself to the fullest. Now, does that sound something to feel bad about? I think not!

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