Bemjo is constantly mistaken for a boy because of her…
There is a certain combination of three words that can make even the most confident woman melt, blush, or get weak in the knees, especially when it’s said to her during the season of love: Christmas.
“Uy, tumaba ka.”
Yup, these three words will make us either melt with embarrassment, blush red with rage, and get weak in the knees from trying to stop ourselves from pummeling the generous giver of said “compliment.”
It seems practically everyone who steps through your front door is required by law to comment on your weight upon seeing you. Now, before you chuck your weighing scale at them or file a restraining order, try these different ways of handling them first.
1. With grace and elegance
Person: “Uy, tumaba ka.”
Suggested Action: Grab a fistful of lechon and eat it in front of them while saying “Oo nga eh, di ko rin sure bakit.”
2. With science
Person: Oh my gosh, long time no see! You’ve gained so much weight!
You: Yeah, I did. But did you know that gaining more weight can actually make you healthier? It’s just that most people are hesitant to believe it because everybody always has something to say when you gain weight, like you, di ba? Here, I’m going to PM you the link of the article I read. Researchers actually discovered that…
And then go on a long-winded lecture about the findings of said research and watch their eyes glaze over, as they painfully regret using the world’s worst holiday conversation starter with you.
3. With actions that speak louder than words.
Person: Hala, grabe, ang taba mo na!
Suggested Action: Step on the other person’s feet. Hard.
Person: Ow! What’s wrong with you?!
You: Akala ko kasi weighing scale ka.
4. With self-deprecating humor
Person: Hey, you gained weight!
You: Yup. I still don’t have a boyfriend, so it’s a great way to keep myself warm this Christmas.
Plus, it’s also a good way to no longer hear the other most dreaded sentence of the holiday season: “Do you have a boyfriend na?”
5. With a Hollywood-level response
Person: Wow. You’re packing on the pounds!
You: Yup, I had to gain weight for this movie I was shooting.
Person: Oh my god! What movie?
You: Umm, you know that one about McDonald’s? Super Size Me?
6. With kindness
Person: You’ve gained so much weight since I last saw you!
You: I think you look great! And I saw the award you got during your company Christmas party on Facebook. You seem to be doing really well!
It’s the season of love. Don’t let passive-aggressive comments get you down. If other people want to keep rehashing this gloomyconversation starter that only makes people feel bad about themselves, don’t stoop to their level.
Talk about other things that are more meaningful than someone’s weight (which, FYI, should be nobody’s business), like their achievements this year, or what their plans are for the coming year. If it doesn’t work, then you have the whole year ahead of you to think of more comebacks for next Christmas.
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Bemjo is constantly mistaken for a boy because of her name, but she is most definitely a girl. She enjoys coloring, being around dogs, and binge-watching TV shows. She currently works as a material developer for an ESL company.