“I had so much fun. I’ll call you tomorrow, yeah?” a person said at the end of the best first date ever.
And you never hear from them again.
“Ghosting” occurs when a date promises to call but never does. It’s the explanation behind that ungodly seen zone status on Messenger. It is when you send dozens of texts, expecting to get at least one back but never do.
This phenomenon is one of the saddest and most annoying things to occur in modern dating. You’re already optimistic about the relationship. You even think this could turn into something long-term.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, the potential love of your life just disappears.
And you just sit there wondering: what the hell just happened?
What is this Ghosting?
Ghosting is rejection without finality. It is when someone stops replying to your text messages or answering your calls without explanation.
It’s nothing new; people have done disappearing acts even before the internet and the rise of social media. The onset of social media and online dating apps, however, have made it easier for people to drop in and out of someone’s life. In terms of online dating, once you swipe right, you can start talking to a potential date. If you don’t like them, you can easily ignore or block their messages.
Why does ghosting happen?
For most people, it’s easier to just disappear than tell someone that you’re not into them anymore. It’s a selfish move because you get out of a situation without actually dealing with any discomfort. Unfortunately, this approach to rejecting someone leaves people hanging without a line.
But for others, ghosting is a necessity. Some situations just force you to cut all ties with someone you’re dating or a friend.
Ghosting is A-OK When . . .
They Don’t Respect Your Boundaries
Pushy dates exist. In some cases, you try to understand them: they just really want to be with you. But when someone crosses the line (e.g., they want to control your time, lifestyle, and thoughts), it’s time to “ghost” that mother.
The world does not revolve around them, girlfriend. Let them know that.
They Won’t Take No for an Answer
You’ve got no time to deal with passive aggressive people who won’t take “no” for an answer. Dates who keep badgering you even though you’ve made it clear multiple times that you don’t want anything to do with them deserve ghosting.
Guilt-free ghosting is also your next step when their insistence poses a threat to your safety. Leave them now before you get a Joe Goldberg situation on your hands.
They are Emotionally Manipulative
Ghosting a person you met online or gone one a few dates is one thing, but what about people in your life? Can you ghost them?
If they are emotionally aggressive or manipulative, make like a “ghoster.”
Self-interest, manipulation, and agenda are legitimate reasons to ghost these people. Their interest in you isn’t genuine so eliminating them from your life shouldn’t hurt their feelings — just their pride.
Ghosting is Rude When . . .
You’ve Given Zero Indication that You’re Unhappy
It’s OK to go when you’ve let someone down gently and they are not picking it up. But when you’ve given no indications of the change in your feelings, it’s cruel to just ghost them. They don’t know that you feel that way. Before you disappear, it’s important that you let someone know about your feelings.
They Have Done Nothing Wrong
Ghosting is a horrible way to mess with a person’s mind, especially when they haven’t done anything wrong. Ghost the boyfriend who cheated on you or the girl who manipulates your emotions, but never the person who genuinely cares and you just lost interest in them.
A simple text message saying you’re not interested anymore is a bit rude, but it’s better than leaving an innocent person waiting for nothing.
There are Better Ways to Break Things Off
There are special situations when ghosting is the best way to end things with someone. Still, there are more times in which it’s better to find a different way to cut things off.
Ghosting shouldn’t be your go-to breakup method. Instead, consider it as a last resort when other options didn’t work or the relationship is no longer safe.
Relationships don’t always go the way we want them. When the end is near, however, think about it before you disappear without a trace.
How about you? When do you think is the right time to ghost someone? Share your ghosting story on our Facebook page.
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Ashley is an awkward potato in love with words, Kpop, and corgis. She spends her free time dancing like one of those balloon things you see in malls.