“Bakit single ka pa?”
Now, for no-boyfriend-since-birth ladies like me, that is not an easy question to answer. I know people mean well, but sometimes, it could get irritating and even downright offensive. First of all, what’s with this negative connotation behind singlehood? Being single is definitely not a life sentence, and it shouldn’t be treated that way. Second, I feel like I’m being accused of doing someting wrong whenever people ask me this question. Most of the time, it’s followed by, “Ang taas kase ng standards mo” or “Masyado kang focused sa trabaho.” Excuse me, I may be well past my 20s, but I’m not going to put myself out to the first guy I meet on the streets just because I’ve never been in a relationship. And who says focusing on your career is a bad thing?
Here’s the real deal. We shouldn’t treat singlehood like it’s a disease. Why? Here’s what it’s truly like to be single and 30:
1. I have lots of time for myself.
I spent a huge chunk of my 20s searching for myself and trying to find out the things that I want to do. That means having lots of alone time for reflection. Now I have a pretty good idea of my strengths and weaknesses, I was able to sort out my insecurities on my own, and I was able to build my confidence through the years. Spending quality time with myself enabled me to do that, and I don’t think I’d have time for quiet reflection if I were in a relationship.
2. I can invest on myself.
I’m not rolling in cash–far from it, actually. But I do have my own self-fund that I can spend freely on things that mean a lot to me–and for myself only. Do you know how much dating costs these days? There’s gas or cab money (let’s say P500), then another P500 for movies, and a thousand pesos for dinner. That’s roughly P8,000 in one night! And since I believe in going dutch, I’d be spending roughly P4,000 per month if I were to go out on a regular basis. Plus, we’d have to spend extra on salon blowouts and derma sessions (because who doesn’t want to look good for a date), so that’s close to roughly P6,000 every month. I’d rather use that for an upcoming trip, a shopping spree, or for my monthly insurance fee, thank you very much .
3. I can do whatever I want.
I don’t need to take a boyfriend into consideration when making spontaneous decisions, like whenever there’s a seat sale that I want to jump into, or there’s a new hairstyle I want to try out. This is truly the time for me to take charge of my life–after all, I wouldn’t have as much freedom if I’m tied down to a man or if I have my own kids–so I want to make the most out of this opportunity now.
Right now, I’m having the time of my life. Sure, I would like to have a family of my on day, but right now, it’s not really my priority. So, whenever I’m asked why I’m single, I always reply with, “Why not?”
What's Your Reaction?
Becca Tan is a 30-something single lady, and she wouldn't have it any other way. She loves traveling and reading books. If she had all the time in the world, she'd read one book every day while traipsing in different places around the globe.
I love your articles Ms. Becca! I’m 25 and also a certified card-carrier of the NBSB club. I used to be so down because of my status but after reading (and re-reading) your articles, I’m starting to see the upside of being single. I look forward to more empowering writings, Ms. Becca!
Being part of the NBSB club, this is exactly how I feel. And I’m only 22! Everytime somebody asks me “Single ka pa? Pero nagka-BF ka na?” And my reply would always be no, it would always be followed by “Bakit??!?” Like I’m being accused of doing something bad. At this point in my life, I am only just starting to figure out who I am and what I want and don’t want to do in my life. I feel like, if I can’t even manage my own life, how can I be involved with someoneelse’s life?
I’m so glad that I’m not the only one who feels this way. Thanks for writing this wonderful article, Ms.Becca. 🙂
I’m 27, straight, and a proud member of the NGSB club (if it ever exists).
I can add a lot to the list of things that society judge single people with. (Especially if you’re a not-as-attractive-as-guys-in-magazines kind of guy).
But I also believe that I have a longer list of things that makes being single (for the mean time) a Great Choice.
So, yeah. “Why not!?” solves the issue.
I’m nbsb at 29. I can relate to the feeling that as if kasalanan ko kung bakit nbsb ako. Some people would say “nbsb really? but oh you’re pretty”, or “you should lower your standards” or “mapili ka masyado”. And imagine their surprise when I also tell them I haven’t been courted before (never had suitors or admirers, never received letters, flowers, chocolates, etc). I wanted to shout to them, “how can you say that I have high standards when no one showed their interest in me?” or “I tried that I courted a man but he rejected my attentions”… so maybe I’m not cut for romantic relationships right? haha.
Are there any nbsb groups out there so we can hang out together? We Quirky individuals should have a quirky association hahaha