When we break up with a guy we’ve been seeing for a while, it often seems to come out of nowhere. We’re left blind-sided, wondering how we didn’t see it coming. Well, the truth is, usually it’s pretty easy to see it coming; we often just ignore the signs because we aren’t ready to fact the reality–that we’re in a relationship that’s headed on a one-way trip to Splitsville. Here are some signs that your relationship is probably destined to fail so you can see it coming and won’t be so shocked when it finally happens.
1) You find yourselves arguing all the time.
Arguments are a normal, even healthy part of any relationship. But when you find you and your guy spending more time in a fight than out of one, this is a serious sign that something is up. When half of your conversations end in an argument, there’s obviously something deeper going on and there’s clearly trouble in paradise.
2) You’re constantly digging up past issues.
The past should be left in the past. Once a problem has been resolved and apologies made, there’s no reason to bring it up again, right? So if you find that either you or your man are constantly bringing up problems that were supposed to have been resolved a long time ago, it’s definitely a bad omen as to where your relationship is headed.
3) Your lives have become really separate.
You used to spend every weekend together, now you both always have separate plans that don’t include each other. You watch separate TV shows at different times. You only spend time on hobbies that don’t intersect with each other’s interests. You even go to bed at different times. It’s as if you’ve already broken up, but are just going through enough of the motions to pretend it hasn’t happened.
4) Physical affection has dwindled.
He used to always kiss you goodbye before work, you would always hold his hand while shopping, you always cuddled while sitting on the couch. But now, you hardly ever touch each other and physical affection has become far less frequent than it was a couple months ago. While it’s normal for romance to burn out a little, going from constant kisses to almost nothing in just a short time isn’t normal and is evidence that you’re heading for a break up.
5) Sex is just an obligation.
When sex becomes just an obligation and is no longer something that you enjoy or look forward to, huge warning signs should be going off inside your head. Most adult relationships include sexual relations, but when they become nothing more than a chore, something you’re only participating in our of duty to your partner, that’s a really bad sign for your relationship.
6) You feel disconnected.
Sometimes, you can sense something is wrong even if you can’t quite put it into words. The spark that was there before just isn’t anymore. The connection you once shared seems to be gone. Everything just feels off now, and even if you don’t know why, that’s a serious thing to look out for. Gut instinct is a powerful thing, and sometimes we subconsciously know something is wrong even before we’ve put it into thoughts.
7) You don’t communicate when something is wrong.
A healthy couple will always make an effort to talk about their problems. If you find yourself at a point where it’s just not worth bringing up issues you’re having, wondering to yourself “what’s the point, it’ll just start another fight,” Splitsville is likely just a stop away. Communication isn’t optional in a good relationship, so when it stops, it’s game over.
8) You don’t laugh together anymore.
Okay, maybe he’s never been the funniest guy, but humor is part of a relationship. If you can’t remember the last time you and your guy laughed together, the relationship is not going to last unless something changes, and fast.
These are all pretty clear signs that a relationship is in deep trouble, but that doesn’t mean there’s no chance of it being fixed. If, despite having all these signs, you really think the relationship is still worth salvaging, it’s time to kick it into high gear with preventive measures and find out if there’s anything left to save.
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Abby is from the USA and moved to the Philippines to be with her husband, David Christopher Hizon, who also happens to be her photographer for most of her writing endeavors. A gamer, a bookworm, an animal lover and a self-proclaimed foodie, she is passionate about everything that she does and hopes that will come across in her writing. Follow her at http://facebook.com/WritersInTandem & http://www.thewritersintandem.wordpress.com