Abby is from the USA and moved to the Philippines…
A lot of women tend to feel insecure when it comes to their sex life, especially when they are seeing someone new. As a result, many tend to over-think things when getting into bed with their lover, and sometimes find themselves unable to enjoy the experience because of it. Well, maybe it would help to know that men often feel the same way! Guys are usually expected to be confident in bed, but even if they don’t show it, they’re often just as nervous about it as you are. Here are six things your guy might be insecure about when it comes to your bedroom activities:
1. How he stacks up against your previous lovers
One common thing that guys get insecure about is experience level: Both yours and his. Unless you are a virgin, he’s probably going to worry about how he is in bed when compared to your previous lovers. The more experienced you are, the more you have to compare him to, and it can become an internal struggle for him, worrying about if he’s as good as they were. Is he experienced enough for you? Even if you are comparing, never say so out loud because it will be a big hit to his ego. Even if the comparison comes out positive for him, don’t bring it up unless he asks. He doesn’t want to know you still think about your last lover’s bedroom skills.
2. How you’ll react to his fantasies
Every guy has fantasies about what he’d like to do in the bedroom, and if you haven’t been with your guy for very long, chances are that there’s at least a couple that he hasn’t revealed to you yet. Most men have completely normal fantasies—using handcuffs, role-playing with costumes, dirty talk, having sex in the shower—but they still worry that you would react negatively if he confessed. Sharing your own fantasies with him and letting him know that he won’t be judged will help him to open up and share his own fantasies with you. You don’t have to do anything that you aren’t comfortable with, but the reassurance that he won’t be laughed at for his intimate desires will do wonders for his confidence on its own.
3. His penis
This one’s a pretty obvious one, and one of the most common. Men don’t exactly see many penises besides their own outside of X-rated videos, so they often wonder if theirs is “normal.” Is it too small, is it too big, is it a weird shape or color, is she used to uncircumcised or circumcised? These are just a few of the insecurities they might have about their penis when undressing in front of you for the first time. Women aren’t the only ones who sometimes worry about leaving the lights on during sex. Just as no pair of breasts are the same, no two penises are the same either, and you should try your best to never say anything judgmental about the shape or size of your man’s.
4. His body
Whether male or female, every body has flaws and imperfections. Almost everybody has at least a few stretchmarks somewhere on their body, whether from a growth spurt or from losing/gaining weight, they are actually super normal to have. Your guy might be insecure about those, about scars, birthmarks, weight; there are numerous things that may make him insecure about his body. Just as you want to feel appreciated for every part of you, let him know you love every bit of his body. Love him for his flaws, because those are what makes him unique.
5. Who should take control in bed
Guys are generally expected to be the dominant one in the bedroom, but not all guys enjoy that. Many guys prefer to be submissive and let the woman take control. He might be so busy trying to act like he thinks you expect him to that he is unable to enjoy the moment. Or perhaps he does prefer to be in control, but isn’t sure how far is too far, so he’s shy about expressing his desires. This is something you should talk about with your partner; if you are sleeping with someone then there is no reason to be shy, so share what you like and learn what he likes.
6. Whether or not he is pleasing you
When it comes to sexual pleasure, women’s bodies are more complicated than men’s. Male orgasms are pretty straightforward; females are less so. As a result, guys are often unable to relax while making love because they are too worried about whether or not you are enjoying it. Every woman’s body is different; some are able to achieve maximum pleasure from intercourse alone, others take a bit more work and enjoy foreplay activities more. So don’t be shy, tell him what you do or don’t like and teach him to please you. You’ll both be a lot happier and enjoy the experience a lot more for it.
It’s all too common to put the bulk of the pressure on the guy when it comes to engaging in intimacy in a relationship, but achieving a healthy, satisfying sex life requires input and effort from both you and your partner. The more you’re willing to work together and build each other’s confidence, the better the sex will be. So try and give him the same courtesies you’d expect from him when you’re in the bedroom. He’ll thank you for it—and probably work on becoming your perfect lover, or as close to it as he can get!
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Abby is from the USA and moved to the Philippines to be with her husband, David Christopher Hizon, who also happens to be her photographer for most of her writing endeavors. A gamer, a bookworm, an animal lover and a self-proclaimed foodie, she is passionate about everything that she does and hopes that will come across in her writing. Follow her at http://facebook.com/WritersInTandem & http://www.thewritersintandem.wordpress.com