When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, sometimes the shiny newness that makes things exciting can fade if you don’t make an effort to jazz things up now and then. But this doesn’t apply to just your day-to-day relationship; this is true of your sex life as well. In fact, if you and your guy are not too amorously adventurous, you could very well risk a case of the bedroom blahs.
But a boring sex life doesn’t mean you have to get into full-on BDSM or do anything you’re uncomfortable with, especially if you’re coming from a straight-up vanilla background. Below, we’ve listed a few ideas to add a little zest to your sex life without going too far out of your comfort zone.
1. Tie Me Up, Buttercup!
No need for handcuffs just yet if you’ve never tried bondage. Start things out gentle, with scarves or even neckties. Then just take turns exploring each other while the other person is all tied up. That sense of helplessness against sensory assault will amp up the way everything feels, both for you and your guy, and it’ll give you a new appreciation for how little touches can totally rock your world.
2. Spanky Time
Pain can sometimes ramp up pleasure, with the right amount of build up and the right ambiance, so adding some spanking, pinching, or biting actions to your sexytime can be pleasurable for you and your guy. When you’re starting out, don’t go too hard right off bat. Instead, experiment a bit. See how you deal with a little pain, and if that feels good, add a little more. Trial and error is the key to this, and building up from a point of caution to a point where it’s just on the edge of pleasure/pain. Remember that everyone has different thresholds for both pain and pleasure and you’ll never know yours (or your partner’s) until you give it a try.
3. Ice Me Down
Whoever thought you could heat things up by icing things down? Temperature play is a great way to add a little pizzazz to your bedroom activities. The kink goes both ways with temperature—hot wax is one thing some couples like to use, but it’s not for novices, so using cold things like ice cubes or even ice cream is a lot safer, since you can just take these off without risking injury. Slide an ice cube around erogenous zones to see how your partner likes it. Be playful about it; taking the ice off the skin for a few moments’ respite makes the sensation all the more intense the moment it’s back on. Work your way up to applying the ice to your and your partner’s sexual hot spots; don’t apply the cube to the nipples, vagina, or penis right away. And anytime it starts to feel unpleasant, stop and backtrack, then build up the heat before trying again.
4. Movie Marathon
No, we’re not talking about a cozy night on the couch with a bowl of popcorn. Deny it he might, but chances are high your guy has got a porn stash somewhere. Why not watch some of it together and see if watching some of your guy’s fantasies onscreen could help you turn up the heat a notch or two when it comes to your own off-screen love play? It may also give you a few new ideas for moves or positions to try—but remember that you may not always be as fit or flexible as the people who do this for a living, so proceed with caution!
5. Drama Club
Role playing isn’t just for video games and comic and toy conventions. You can bring that sense of fun to the bedroom as well—and amp things up with costumes! You don’t have to go all out and dress up as Princess Leia (although you can, if you want to; we know several guys who have that scenario among their top fantasies). Say you both come home from work dressed to the corporate nines. Maybe play a game of “Lawyer, Lawyer,” and do a little bedroom cross examination. Doctor and Nurse is another perennial favorite, but you can take it anywhere you want to—even playing up your TV and movie fandoms, if you like.
6. Better with Chocolate
You don’t need the blindfolds as an excuse to bring chocolate into your bedroom play, though. And while you can go decadent with Belgian chocolate-covered fruit and the like, you don’t have to go all-out. Keep things playful with a tube of chocolate syrup, for example. It’s affordable and fun. And while you may want to make sure you don’t have your best sheets on the bed when you try this, the sense of indulgence and fun (either or both, depending on how you use the chocolate!) you bring back to your sex life will more than make up for the stains on your sheets.
7. Love Is Blind
We’ve mentioned how being tied up can sometimes really amp up the sensations you feel because you’re not able to match or reciprocate what your partner is doing for you. Well, here’s another way to make things feel a hundred times more intense: blindfolds. Whether you’re both blindfolded or prefer to do it one at a time, you’ll find that it both loosens inhibitions and powers up your other senses. And we’re not just talking about touch. Bring a few chocolate-covered blueberries or strawberries into the bedroom with you, light some candles for aromatherapy. Being denied one sense can often make the other four all the more active.
8. First Come, First Served
If you’re both competitive, why not bring that into the bedroom? Go for some 69 action or just mouth and finger play anyway you like it, then see which of you can make the other come first. If you prefer to share your orgasms, maybe just establish a point of pleasure where one of you says uncle (or a safeword, if you find that too weird). To make the competition more worthwhile, offer up a prize: winner gets to choose the sexual favor of his or her choice.
9. House Christening
If you and your partner live together, why not do a house christening of sorts by challenging yourselves to take sex out of the bedroom—and do it at least once in every room or area of your house or apartment? So, yes, we’re talking shower sex, living room couch sex, home office sex, even kitchen counter and dining table sex! Not comfortable doing it elsewhere? Start outside then head into the bedroom, The Notebook-style!
10. Look, But Don’t Touch
We definitely support masturbating as a way to get to know what you enjoy about being touched, but you can use it as a very, very hot bedroom activity that’s also an educational one as well. Play a game of “Look, But Don’t Touch” with your partner, in which you watch each other masturbate—and you can do this together and even incorporate some of that competitiveness we talked about and make a race out of it. Sometimes seeing the evidence of pleasure on your partner’s body is enough to spark an answering pleasure in your own, and it will also show you the moves that are most likely to turn your partner on, while doing the same for him.
Which of these ideas are you keen to try? Have you got a few more sexy suggestions? Leave a comment to share!
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Liana Smith Bautista is an article writer, web content manager, manuscript copy editor, and blogger—and she thinks it's awesome that she earns her living marketing on her love for the written word.