Awkward moments happen. Sometimes, we say something that just maybe we really should not have. When you say one of these things during sex, though, the level of awkwardness shoots to a record high. Thankfully, we can learn from the mistakes of others and don’t have to wait to learn for ourselves what these things are—here are a few of the most awkward things that can be (and have been) said during sex.
1. Is this your first time?
It’s okay to ask that beforehand, as a genuine question. But when you ask him in the middle of getting down and dirty, it turns from an actual question about his past to being an implication that he’s doing a poor job in bed, so poor of a job that he must not have any previous experience and must be a virgin.
2. But my ex was okay with it.
There are two things that are way wrong with saying this. First, never ever bring up your ex or compare your current lover to him. Second, this is emotional blackmail. Don’t try to pressure someone into doing something that they are not comfortable with by making them feel inferior to someone you were with before; it’s cruel and wrong.
3. Ooh, somebody forgot to shave.
Sometimes, sex just happens. We don’t always have time to beautify ourselves to our usual standards when it’s unplanned intimacy. He knows he forgot to shave and might already be feeling self-conscious about it—don’t make it any worse. When you verbally take notice, it’s going to be embarrassing for him and possibly will kill the mood.
4. Is it in?
These three words are some of the most common embarrassing words during sex. Okay, maybe he’s a bit smaller than your last lover. By asking if it’s in, especially if it already is, you’re mortifying him and making him feel as though his package isn’t living up to your expectations. Another huge mood killer.
5. Oh, Chris, yes!
It’s okay if his name is actually Chris. But if his name is anything else, and Chris happens to be the name of your ex boyfriend or your celebrity crush, uh oh. It’s okay to fantasize about someone else once in a while if it puts you in the mood. But you never, ever, ever want the guy you are with to know that you are doing it, especially when you’re right in the middle of things, or so to speak.
6. Do you remember if I took my pill today?
Birth control is not a matter to take lightly. Unless you are both planning on a pregnancy, it’s pretty important—and something you should think about before you’re already having sex. Otherwise, you’re suddenly giving him this terrible fear that you’re going to end up with an unplanned pregnancy, and I think it goes without saying that it’s quite a mood-killer. If you ask it of him mid- or post-coitus, that takes away his choice to take care of matters himself, especially if you have discussed it before and you agreed to take responsibility for birth control.
7. Are you finished yet?
No pressure, or anything, but it’s getting boring and I’d like to go back to what I was doing before you pounced on me. That’s what this phrase implies, and no guy wants to feel like he’s a boring lover. Maybe it’s not him; maybe you’re just not into it at the moment or it’s been going on longer than usual, but if he feels like he’s boring you, he’s probably not going to want to finish at all.
8. I’m going to need another drink.
It’s that bad? He’s that ugly? If you wanted your lover to feel un-sexy and inadequate, you’ve said the perfect thing. If that wasn’t what you wanted to do, well, you should think before saying something that implies that the only way you could get through having sex with him is if you were drunk.
Keep things lighthearted and sexy when you’re in bed with your guy, and avoid saying these things. Comment below the worst things you’ve said or had said to you during sex, we want to know!
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Abby is from the USA and moved to the Philippines to be with her husband, David Christopher Hizon, who also happens to be her photographer for most of her writing endeavors. A gamer, a bookworm, an animal lover and a self-proclaimed foodie, she is passionate about everything that she does and hopes that will come across in her writing. Follow her at http://facebook.com/WritersInTandem & http://www.thewritersintandem.wordpress.com