Remember when sex was still just a concept to you, something you hadn’t yet experienced? It seemed like such a magical, beautiful thing that could never be anything else. Now that sex is something you’ve actually experienced, though, your perspective has probably changed. While it’s still a beautiful thing, especially when done with someone you love, it turns out that it’s not always as magical as you once thought. In fact, there are quite a few awkward or sticky situations that might arise once you’ve become active in the bedroom. Here are a few sticky situations that you might be able to relate to—and some tips for getting out of them.
Situation #1: Caught in the act.
It really doesn’t get more awkward than this, does it? You and your lover are getting down to business, enjoying the moment, and then suddenly you realize you’re not alone. Don’t people know how to knock anymore? Sometimes it seems like they don’t. Sadly, if you and your man are sharing a house with roommates, parents, or even your own children, chances are that someday, you just might be unlucky enough to have this happen to you. In fact, check out our article in which 8 modern Filipinas share their stories of getting caught in the act!
How to handle it:
First of all, don’t freak out. If you start screaming and trying to hide, it’s just going to make things even worse. If it’s a parent, roommate, or another adult who caught you, then the best thing to do is to act like it didn’t happen—they’ve likely backed out of the room before you could even react, anyways. You don’t need to explain; they know what you were doing. An apology might be in order, especially if it was in someone else’s home that you were caught, but basically, don’t bring it up if they don’t. They probably just want to forget it happened too. If it was your kid that caught you, well then, as the parent it’s up to you to decide if they’re ready for The Talk or if it’s best to tell a little white lie so as not to mentally scar them forever. Oh, and one more thing: put a lock on your door!
Situation #2: Calling out the wrong name.
You and your darling were caught up in the throes of passion, the pleasure so intense that your brain had just shut off. Everything feels so amazing and you call out your lover’s name in a fit of passion—only, oops, the name that you called out wasn’t his. Uh oh. This is a pretty great mood killer; nobody wants to feel like their lover is thinking of someone else while doing the deed, so how do you proceed from here?
How to handle it:
If you have faith in any higher being, start praying that your man didn’t hear your slip. If he didn’t hear it happen, there’s no problem, right? If you aren’t so lucky, and he clearly heard you—you can generally tell by the look on his face and the fact that all motion has come to an immediate halt—then it’s time to start begging for forgiveness. The fact is, our brains tend to shut themselves off while we’re engaging in primal love-making. When you say someone else’s name, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you were thinking about them in that way, and now’s the time to start convincing your man of that fact. Maybe you saw that person today and they were just lingering in the back of your mind somewhere, it happens. Hopefully, your lover can understand that and is willing to overlook it. At the same time, be understanding. How would you feel if the situation was reversed? Your man might need some time to be okay with it, so give it to him if needed and just try not to let it happen again in the future.
Situation #3: You can’t get aroused.
You want him. He wants you. In your mind, you’re already doing it; in the bed, in the shower, in the kitchen—you just can’t wait to have him. But every once in a while, even though your mind is already in the zone, your body hasn’t physically caught up with you yet. You know what I mean, that self-lubricating thing that’s supposed to happen just isn’t.
How to handle it:
Don’t stress out too much. There’s no reason to feel embarrassed, as this happens to everyone. Even men have their troubles getting physically aroused from time to time, so your lover will probably be pretty understanding. If it just doesn’t feel right, you don’t have to proceed. If you still want to, though, this is when having some lubrication products in the drawer of your bedside table can come in really handy. It might seem to detract from the intensity of the situation to have to stop and grab something before you can proceed, but trust me, by the time you are on to the next step, your man has already forgotten all about it.
Situation #4: It keeps falling out.
It can be pretty embarrassing when you’re getting in motion, feeling the pleasure and then… whoops… it fell out. Now, everyone has to pause and readjust themselves and well, it can get to feeling pretty awkward before things get going again, can’t it.
How to handle it:
Remember, first of all, that this doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you or him. It doesn’t mean he’s too small, it doesn’t mean that you’re too “loose.” It’s just anatomy, and it happens, so don’t let yourself feel bad about it. Everyone is built differently, and usually it’s just a matter of finding the right position that works for you and your man. You might have to experiment a bit to find the perfect position, but experimenting together in the bedroom can usually turn out to be pretty fun, anyway! Don’t feel shy, don’t apologize—just laugh it off together and keep trying, eventually you’ll make it work!
Situation #5: You were into it… but then you changed your mind.
Maybe you’ve been dating this guy for a while already, and tonight you’ve decided it’s finally The Night. Or maybe the guy has been a friend of yours for a while, and you never thought about him that way… until he started kissing you. Whatever the situation, you were enjoying the kissing and touching and things were clearing heating up when suddenly, for whatever reason, you realize you don’t want to go through with it.
How to handle it:
It is okay to change your mind. It happens. While you should never give a guy the wrong impression intentionally(for example, telling him you are going to sleep with him even though you have no intention of actually going through with it), if you get caught up in a moment of heat and then realize you aren’t okay with it after all, be honest. You have every right over your own body, and backing out of a sexual situation is totally within your rights. Even if you gave consent, consent is not a permanent thing and you can take it back. Any real man will respect that, and will not try to pressure or force you into anything. If your man reacts by saying things such as “but you wanted it… you turned me on already, you have to go through with it,” it’s time to be blunt: if he forces you, that is rape and it is not acceptable. Make this clear to him and don’t ever let yourself be pressured into something you aren’t okay with.
Situation #6: He has a fetish that you aren’t too sure about.
No two people have the exact same interests in the bedroom. Being intimate with someone requires compromise, understanding, and quite often it will require adaptability as well. Maybe up until now, everything has been perfect and you’ve both been into the same things, but he’s finally gotten up the courage to reveal his deeper desires and fetishes, and well, you’re not so confident anymore.
How to handle it:
The most important thing here is to never feel obligated to do something that you aren’t comfortable with. Your man is entitled to his desires, but you aren’t required to fulfill them. If his fetish is something you can’t imagine ever being okay with, just be honest. It’s better to let him know the truth than it is to lead him on and keep him wanting it from you. If, on the other hand, you think you might be willing to give it a shot, tell him! If you need to work up to it, that’s perfectly acceptable and I’m sure he will be more than willing to do so. One thing to consider, though, when exploring new things, is having a safe word, a code word that means “stop, I’m not comfortable with this anymore” and will lead to the activity ceasing immediately. This way, you don’t have to worry about things going too far before you’re okay with it.
Clearly, while sex is supposed to be nothing but fun and romantic, it’s not always the case. There’s no need to worry, though, these situations happen to everyone at some point or another, so you don’t need to feel like you’re the only one. Just remember to keep a cool head about yourself, even when things get hot and heavy and your brain fogs up a little bit. Usually, if you just keep calm and talk it out, everything will be just fine!
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Abby is from the USA and moved to the Philippines to be with her husband, David Christopher Hizon, who also happens to be her photographer for most of her writing endeavors. A gamer, a bookworm, an animal lover and a self-proclaimed foodie, she is passionate about everything that she does and hopes that will come across in her writing. Follow her at http://facebook.com/WritersInTandem & http://www.thewritersintandem.wordpress.com