Abby is from the USA and moved to the Philippines…
Sex is a very intimate and private act, and as such, it can feel intimidating at times. Whether you’re a virgin, nervous about your first time, or even if you’re experienced, there’s a lot of things that can make a woman anxious in anticipation of the act of making love. Well, you’re not alone—everyone feels insecure sometimes, and even the most confident seeming woman has probably dealt with her share of bedroom fears. Your fears are probably not as uncommon as you might think! So, for all you ladies who are worried about your next sexual encounter or nervous about taking it into the bedroom for the first time, here’s some of the most common bedroom fears for women and how to deal with them.
1. What if he doesn’t like what he sees?
Body-consciousness seems to be the most common fear for women. Maybe you’re worried about that bit of extra weight you’ve put on, the stretchmarks on your thighs, the size and perkiness of your breasts; it’s normal to feel shy about your body. But guess what? Most men really don’t care about what you perceive to be flaws. No one has a perfect body, and he doesn’t expect you to be flawless—he isn’t perfect either. Generally, men are very visual and they love to have the lights on so they can appreciate your natural state. He’s not going to judge your imperfections; he’s going to be too busy enjoying what makes you beautiful to him. If you’re still too shy to leave the lights on full, try just leaving a lamp on or perhaps some candlelight. He will appreciate being able to see your body, and once you see that he still thinks you’re beautiful despite your imperfections, hopefully you’ll be able to stop feeling so self-conscious.
2. Will he compare me to his past lovers?
This thought has plagued many women’s minds when anticipating being intimate with their guy, especially if he is more experienced than she is. Many women are fearful that they won’t be as good in bed or as knowledgeable as his past lovers might have been—and that he might be making comparisons in his head. In reality, it’s actually pretty unlikely that he is. Sex is about being in the moment, and chances of his mind being on anything else but you are pretty slim. After all, there’s a reason he’s with you right now and not them. If this worry continues to bother you, however, the best thing that you can do is talk to him about it. Be open and honest about how you are feeling, and let him reassure you that you are the only one he wants to be with and the only one on his mind.
3. It’s my first time. Will it be painful?
If you’re a virgin anticipating the very special moment of losing your virginity, likely one of your worries is about pain. Maybe you’ve heard horror stories about this moment—blood and all. Well, the honest truth is that it varies from person to person. It will likely be a little bit painful, but there are ways to make sure it won’t be too painful to bear. One of the most important things to remember when having sex for the first time is to take it slow. If you aren’t fully aroused, it will be more painful for you. So make sure to spend a lot of time with foreplay, building up to the moment. Don’t just try to get it over with, that’d actually be worse for you. Build up your desire and arousal, and your body will respond positively.
4. What if I get pregnant?
The fear of unwanted pregnancy can make sex seem very daunting. However many methods of birth control are out there, nothing is 100% effective. Even so, the 99% effectiveness of most birth control methods is still pretty good. If you really want to be careful, one thing you can do is combine methods. For example, instead of using condoms alone, take birth control pills as well. If you’re worried about forgetting to take a pill though, there are plenty of other methods out there. I fully recommend seeing an OB/GYN to ask what is right for you—there are shots and implants, among other things, that have proven very effective and you won’t have to worry about remembering to take a pill each day. If you’re still worried about pregnancy, it’s something you need to talk to your partner about. Talk to him about what would happen if he unintentionally were to get you pregnant—discuss what you’d expect from each other and how you’d handle it. By making sure you are at least on the same page, should it happen, you’ll likely find yourself less worried about it.
5. What if I smell, you know, down there?
Many women are uncomfortable or even afraid of receiving oral sex because they are worried that their lady parts might have an unpleasant odor. They find themselves unable to enjoy receiving oral from their partner because they are too self conscious that they might smell or even taste funny down there. Well, there’s really no need to worry as long as you are healthy and keep your body clean. A vagina will always have a distinct scent to it, but you may be surprised to find out that it is simply due to pheromones and that these hormones are actually attractive to men. It’s your body’s natural scent and nothing to be ashamed of. If you really are worried, just make sure to wash yourself with a bit of water before heading to the bedroom with your man. Then, you’ll feel confident and comfortable enough to just enjoy the moment and let the pleasure take over.
6. What if I can’t orgasm?
It’s a fact that the female orgasm is more complicated than the male orgasm. So, perhaps you’re worried that in the heat of the moment, you won’t be able to get there. Well, tip number one: stop worrying about it! In order to achieve orgasm, you need to be relaxed. Focusing on it too much will actually make it harder for you to have one. Just focus on the pleasure and the things that make you feel good and don’t worry about the end results. Many women also find that they are unable to orgasm from intercourse alone—this is actually very normal. For most women, clitoral stimulation if just as important as intercourse, if not more so, for them to achieve maximum pleasure. The key to having an orgasm is learning what you enjoy, so take your time and don’t focus on the orgasm itself. Just allow yourself to enjoy the pleasure, take time to explore what makes you feel good, and it will become easier for you to have one.
While there are lots of things you can do to address your individual bedroom fears, there is one particular thing that will always work for any fear—talk to your partner about it. The most important thing you can do to feel relaxed and comfortable in the bedroom is to first feel that way with your partner. If you feel confident enough to talk to him about any fears you have, you will be able to come up with solutions together and that will be far better than trying to deal with it on your own. Plus, he can also share his own fears with you, and together you can explore and learn each other’s needs – and this is key to being able to achieve the most from your intimacy.
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Abby is from the USA and moved to the Philippines to be with her husband, David Christopher Hizon, who also happens to be her photographer for most of her writing endeavors. A gamer, a bookworm, an animal lover and a self-proclaimed foodie, she is passionate about everything that she does and hopes that will come across in her writing. Follow her at http://facebook.com/WritersInTandem & http://www.thewritersintandem.wordpress.com