Every couple is going to have disagreements sometimes, it’s a fact. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship where both people agree about everything all of the time. Eventually, there will be conflicts. Fighting is just part of having a relationship. However, while fights and arguments may be necessary from time to time, there are some things to keep in mind. Here are some tips to have a healthy argument without things getting too far out of hand.
1. Understand what you are actually fighting about.
A lot of the time, fights are caused by something that seems stupid and meaningless in hindsight. This is usually because there is actually an underlying reason for the fight that broke out. Maybe the fight started because your husband or boyfriend was late to dinner. As an isolated case, it doesn’t seem to be that big of a deal. But perhaps it’s happened many times already and the real reason you are upset isn’t because he was late today, but because you feel neglected and unappreciated because it keeps happening. Make sure you understand what you are really upset about—after all, you can’t resolve a problem if you don’t know what it really is.
2. Keep it between the two of you.
Unless the argument involves other people for obvious reasons, it’s best to keep it between the two of you. There’s no need to post about your latest fight on Facebook; it’s no one else’s business but yours and your SO’s. When you make a fight public, it just tends to fan the flames. Suddenly, your best friend’s sister and your second cousin have opinions on something that they shouldn’t be involved with in the first place. Additionally, publicly humiliating your man is definitely not going to make the issue any easier to resolve.
3. It’s okay to walk away.
Sometimes, even in the middle of a fight, we just need a break. Everyone has their point of no return, and it’s best not to cross it. When things are getting too heated, it’s okay to just walk away and leave the room, rather than say or do something you know you will regret later. Try to be tactful about it and be honest about why you have to walk away, but if you need to take some time to cool off and gather your thoughts before continuing the argument with a clear mind, that’s perfectly all right.
4. Don’t yell or swear.
When it comes to arguing with your partner, try to keep your cool. By continuing to speak in as calm of a manner as you can manage and articulating yourself well rather than resorting to cursing, it keeps the argument rational and from escalating to nothing but a demeaning screaming match. Remember, the person who is loudest is not necessarily the person who is right. If anything, yelling and swearing just makes you look more irrational – after all, if you were right, shouldn’t you be able to get that across in a more reasonable manner?
5. Don’t use personal digs or call names.
On the top of the list of things you should never ever do during a fight with your partner is turning it into a degrading character assassination attempt. The argument should be based on logic and feelings, and when you try to drag all of his past in-discrepancies into it by calling him names, it becomes mean and sometimes things are said that you can’t come back from. Instead of telling your man that he’s nothing but a selfish, ungrateful, condescending jerk, stick to what the actions were that caused you to be upset and how they’ve made you feel.
6. Don’t be too proud to make the first apology.
In order to salvage a relationship, sometimes we just have to learn to swallow our pride and take the first step towards repairing the emotional damage. By offering the first apology, you show yourself to be mature and demonstrate that your relationship means more to you than whatever the fight is about. Saying sorry doesn’t necessarily have to mean you were wrong, though. Even if you still feel you’re on the right side of the argument, you can still apologize for the fact that it’s caused a fight and for the way your man is feeling because of it, and doing so will put you on the road to recovery.
7. Reach out with a touch.
Apologizing can be really hard. It doesn’t always have to be done with words, though. Sometimes, something as small as a touch can convey everything you want to say but can’t find the right words for. A hand on his shoulder, a foot touching his, or even a hug. Wordlessly, you’re showing that you want to reconcile and this simple touch can mean as much as a few words. A touch to show that you still love him, no matter what, can even just drain all of the fight out of you both and without the anger loudly present, it’ll be a lot easier to resolve your disagreement.
8. Let it go.
The most important tip I can give you for having a healthy argument is to let things go once the fight is over. After everything has been talked over and resolved, don’t allow yourself to harbor a grudge. Don’t throw this argument back in his face in the future. Forgive and then forget, there’s a reason that phrase is so well-known. It’s just as unhealthy for you as it is for him if you hold a grudge and keep issues that were supposed to be resolved already ready to bring up again. If it wasn’t truly resolved, fix that. Otherwise, just let it lie.
Above all, do your best to keep a clear mind when having a disagreement with your loved one. Remember first and foremost how much you care about them, and try to let that steer how you approach the matter.
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Abby is from the USA and moved to the Philippines to be with her husband, David Christopher Hizon, who also happens to be her photographer for most of her writing endeavors. A gamer, a bookworm, an animal lover and a self-proclaimed foodie, she is passionate about everything that she does and hopes that will come across in her writing. Follow her at http://facebook.com/WritersInTandem & http://www.thewritersintandem.wordpress.com