When Do You Stop Fighting for a Relationship?

Should you stay or should you go?

The answer to this simple question is as complex as they come. You can’t rationalize your way through a romantic relationship. With so much at stake, the easiest answer to this would be to stay and fight to be together against all odds. It took a lot of growing up for me to understand that it doesn’t always have to be that way.

Not every relationship is worth fighting for.

You need to know when to step back and let the relationship run the end of its course, no matter how painful that may be. Once the rose-colored fog has lifted, it’s easier to see incompatibilities. Sometimes, letting go and moving on is the best — if not the only — solution.

Armed with my handful of heartbreaks and the sensible advice of experts I’ve read online, here are five signs which can tell that a relationship may no longer be worth fighting for. As there is no one-size-fits-all approach to relationships, the advice below is meant to serve as general suggestions.

You are being abused.

Abuse, in any form, is unacceptable and should be enough reason for you to leave and never come back. No amount of apologies and half-baked promises will make an abuser change overnight.

Your safety and well-being should be a priority. Drop him or her, and leave without looking back, girl. There is no relationship to “fight” for.

The relationship does more harm than good.

Photo by Priscille Du Preez on Unsplash

When the relationship harms you more than it makes you happy, it’s probably time for you to stop fighting for it to work and break it off.

A healthy relationship keeps both partners are on equal footing and allow open communication — without fear. It involves honesty, trust, respect, effort, and some level of compromise. When some or most of these are unsatisfied, it could turn the relationship sour.

Is it really worth fighting for a relationship that stops your growth, leaves you unhappy, and makes you feel like a lesser version of yourself? You came into this relationship whole and your own person. You don’t have to make yourself smaller just to fit.

It’s your nth fight — about the same things you argued about at the start of your relationship.

Are you still fighting about the same old things you’ve already talked about at the start of your relationship? Has the outcome remained the same, time and time again, no matter how many times you’ve tried to work it out?

When an issue keeps rearing its ugly head, then your partner could be stubborn, unreliable, or he or she just doesn’t care.

And I’m not talking about petty fights or annoying ticks you can easily dismiss. I’m talking about problems like standing you up on dates, frequently forgetting important occasions, hiding an addiction, or lying compulsively.

When you’re being treated this way, it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together. So get out of there, sis. You deserve better than someone who just half-asses his or her way through your relationship.

It has become a one-sided struggle.

No matter how much you feel for him or how hard you work to fix the relationship, you can’t do it alone. Two people agreed to be in the relationship in the first place, and it takes the combined effort of both parties to stay in it.

If you’re constantly fighting to stay and your partner shows minimal effort, break it off. When you’re doing all the work to keep your relationship afloat, you’re resigning yourself to be more miserable than happy.

Is it really worth fighting for a relationship with a partner who can’t be bothered to work on your issues together? What is this relationship for, then? There are better ways to waste your time, sis, and this is not one of them.

You’ve grown apart and want different things.

There comes a time when a relationship has run its natural course. There was an attraction at the start, falling in love somewhere in the middle, and quite possibly falling out of love at the end.

This could happen for several reasons. Individual growth is one of them.

Change is inevitable and a normal part of every relationship. It’s not necessarily a bad thing but an unfortunate byproduct if you and your partner have outgrown each other.

You may want different things now. When you have vastly different interests, different social circles, and busy schedules that never seem to work out no matter how hard you try, maybe it’s better to let the relationship rest.

A change of heart, such as wanting different things from each other is entirely possible too. This could be simple like an adventurous preference in bed or significant like wanting children.

Don’t be swayed on your non-negotiables just to keep the relationship going. You’re setting yourself up for something that may make you unhappy later on if you do.

It takes more than just love to make a relationship work.

Partners should invest equal amounts of time, effort, and small compromises along the way to keep one another happy. Trust, open communication, and compatibility in all the aspects that matter should also be taken into consideration.

A relationship is built and sustained by two people. That’s also the number of people expected to work to keep the relationship going. When your partner flakes or downright refuses to work on your issues together, then there’s no reason for you to stick around.

Yes, most relationships are worth fighting for. But you should establish a limit to how much you’re willing to sacrifice to remain in it, which frankly, shouldn’t be much with the right person.

Don’t waste your love, tears, and efforts on a person who doesn’t deserve you.

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