Abby is from the USA and moved to the Philippines…
Dates are meant to be a fun, romantic way of getting to know someone that you find yourself attracted to. When you’re lucky, that’s exactly what it’ll turn out to be. Sometimes, though, we’re not so lucky. It’s amazing how quickly a great date can start going downhill, isn’t it? Often, it only takes one sentence to completely change the mood of the evening, and it might be that one sentence that decides whether there will be another date or not. Unless you’re Adam Sandler in 50 First Dates, there are no do-overs. If you’re getting all dolled up tonight for a hot date, here are a few one-liners that you’ll probably want to avoid at all costs.
1. “Who’s paying for this?”
While the topic of who should pay the bill can be a very hot issue, there’s a sort of unspoken rule that you never mention it while on the date. By asking who’s expected to pay, especially if you haven’t already ordered yet, it tends to make things awkward. It might make him feel like you intend to take advantage of him paying by ordering something more expensive than you normally would. So it’s best to play it safe—just order what you would if you already knew you were splitting the bill.
2. “Wow, that has a lot of calories in it.”
Whether it’s a man or a woman, no one likes to feel judged about what they are eating. These words have a lot of implications, the main one being that maybe you think he’s a bit chubby and shouldn’t be eating something that’s so loaded with calories. It’s a great way to hurt his feelings, and he’ll likely not enjoy his meal as much, so if that’s not your intent, it’s in your best interests to just leave this judgmental comment to yourself. After all, how would you feel if he made judgmental comments about what you chose to order?
3. “How many girls have you brought here before?”
Is it just me, or did it get really hot in here all of a sudden? This is a surefire line to make things real uncomfortable, real fast. Look at the facts: if he brought you here, chances are high that it’s somewhere he likes and goes regularly, so yes, he has probably brought a date there before. As a result, this can only end one of two ways—one, he’ll lie to make you feel comfortable, or two, he’ll be honest and tell you yes, and you’ll be left feeling awkward knowing he’s been here with someone else. Just don’t bring it up.
4. “You remind me so much of my ex-boyfriend!”
Did you not learn your lesson from the previous line? Well, to sum it up: Don’t bring up past romantic relationships, ever! No one wants that on a date. Whether your comparison of him to your ex is an insult or a compliment, just don’t do it. Even if you mean it in the nicest way possible, it’s still a bad idea. It implies that you are not over your ex and he’s still on your mind, and makes your current date feel like he has to try harder to be better than your ex was.[crp]
5. “Our babies would be so cute!”
Unless you want to see how fast he can run, it’s best not to bring up having babies (or even marriage) with him until you’ve been dating for quite some time. While women who want children in the future often like to plan out their hypothetical families with whichever guy they are dating (it doesn’t have to be serious, sometimes it’s just fun!), men don’t usually like to look that far ahead into the future, especially in the initial stages of a relationship. Bringing up babies puts a lot of pressure on him, and if that’s not something he’s ready to think about yet, this just might be the last time you see him.
6. “I know where you live.”
With the abundance of technology and social media outlets, it’s easy to know intimate details about people before they’ve revealed them to you personally. Maybe you just know where he lives because he made a Facebook status about the sari-sari store across the street and you’re familiar with it because your high school BFF lived near there. You’re not a stalker, it’s just coincidence. But he’s still going to think you’re a stalker if you mention you know where he lives when he hasn’t even invited you over yet.
7. “I guess you had to be there.”
While these words themselves aren’t that bad, it’s the fact that were were probably prefaced with an inside joke that your date isn’t privy to. If your story is going to end with you saying “you had to be there,” it’s best not to tell the story in the first place—and this applies in any social situation. You’re just going to make him feel awkward and left out because he can’t relate to what you’re telling him. If it was a story starring another guy, it’s even worse—now your date is left thinking about the fact you’ve got inside jokes with another guy, and he’s the outsider on his own date.
8. “It could have been worse.”
If your date has just finished telling you about some unpleasant event or situation that he went through, you definitely don’t want to respond with this line. He wants sympathy and understanding, and this statement gives the opposite. He opened up to you and shared this thing that happened, and by offering an inconsiderate response like “it could have been worse,” you’re not showing any empathy for him. Even if the situation really wasn’t that bad, nobody wants their feelings flat out dismissed like that.
Remember that dates are all about getting to know each other, but even if it’s going badly, you shouldn’t skip the social niceties and basic consideration for the person you’re going out with.
What's Your Reaction?
Abby is from the USA and moved to the Philippines to be with her husband, David Christopher Hizon, who also happens to be her photographer for most of her writing endeavors. A gamer, a bookworm, an animal lover and a self-proclaimed foodie, she is passionate about everything that she does and hopes that will come across in her writing. Follow her at http://facebook.com/WritersInTandem & http://www.thewritersintandem.wordpress.com