Getting over a breakup, whether it’s angst-filled or amicable, is a long and painful process. Whether or not it was a mutual decision, that thing will hurt and will drag on and on. Minutes feel like hours, hours feel like days. Make sure you’re spending every second productively. And remember that this too shall pass. In the meantime, though, here are a few tips on surviving the aftermath of a breakup.
1. Allow yourself to grieve.
The feeling of loss is a normal reaction to breakups. Don’t beat yourself up for wanting to have a good, hard cry. Get it all out of your system. Keeping it bottled up will do nothing to comfort your aching heart. It will also not do you good to pretend you are moving on when you are still in the grieving stage. Give yourself time before entertaining the idea of looking for someone new. But be careful, too, not to be sucked into too much grieving. You may fall into depression and find it hard to carry on. During this time, staying in touch with family and friends will help a lot in the healing process.
2. Remember why it had to happen.
Keep a list. Something to remind you that going separate ways was the best possible thing that could’ve happened. No, seriously, do it. Better yet, paste it on your fridge so you’ll see it halfway through a midnight kitchen rampage. This will hasten the painstaking process of coming to terms with it—and make you think twice about reaching for that last piece of chocolate mousse cake. If it helps, remind yourself of all the things that irritated you about your relationship and maybe the things you had to give up because you were together.
3. Sing your blues away.
Feeling down and depressed at unexpected times of the day is inevitable, which is why you should keep a happy playlist ready to perk you up anytime. Music is proven to lift moods. Remember, we’re talking about happy, cheerful music here, something Taylor Swift-y and upbeat. Putting on Trisha Yearwood’s “How Do I Live Without You?” and singing along with tears pouring down your cheeks is counterproductive. Sing and dance like crazy in the shower and you will soon feel much better. Need to go todo banat on your love life? Grab some friends and hit a karaoke joint!
4. Surround yourself with happy things.
This includes your friends, your pets, or whatever object or activity helps you remember how wonderful life still is. Keeping your mind and hands busy with the things you love will effectively reduce your moping tendencies. If you’re a mommy’s girl, then hug her tight. If you’re halfway through a painting project, then finish it. If you like smelling freshly washed linen sheets, then away to the wash room!
5. Remain positive.
When you’re in the throes of pain and loneliness, optimism may seem like a foreign emotion. But try envisioning this scenario: two years later, you will be out there, an enlightened person who’s survived some tough times, and you’ve long forgotten the pain of heartbreak that once was. One day, you may even wonder what attracted to him in the first place! Remember that there are many good things about being a single lady, and also remember that you deserve a love that stands the test of time. You’re a strong, independent woman who needs a guy who can be a worthy life partner. Just because it wasn’t this guy doesn’t mean he isn’t out there somewhere.
Yes, it’s tough right now. But soon you will look back at this moment and feel less pain, maybe even laugh. The point is, you’ll be fine. Stay positive, and everything will be sunshiny. Don’t let other people—and especially an ex-boyfriend too blind to see what he had in you—get you down for too long.
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When she's not writing, Tazeana spends her day YouTubing cat and dog videos and daydreaming about Jollibee fried chicken.